My author picture

Photo by Michael Baxter

This is the picture that we chose for my author photo! I think it is arty, moody, and makes me look like someone who would write vampire novels.

The best Christmas present ever.

Last night, The Charming Man and myself went over to our dear friends' house (I'll think of a kicky name for them soon) for our holiday meal. I brought my laptop and spiral-bound notebooks with me since I wasn't interested in watching the basketball game.

As I sat in a quiet corner, brainstorming on my notepaper, another friend up to me. She is an avid reader of sexy paranormal romances and had been curious about Dracula's Secret since she met me.

She asked if she could read my manuscript early.

I said sure, but not the whole thing. So I handed over my laptop and let her read while I worked.

Here are her direct quotes:

"This book has surprised me in every chapter! You get used to things being a particular way in these novels, and you haven't done any of them!" (said with a great big grin on her face)

"I could read this all night!"
and
"This is some of the best stuff I've ever read."

Now imagine me running around screaming in joy like a madwoman. It was something like this:

EeeieieieeeewowohwowohwowieeeyeesssssWOW!
              \c O(
               \ _/
            ___/(  /(
           /--/ \\//
       __ )/ /\/ \/
      `-.\  //\\
         \\//  \\
          \/    \\
                 \\
                   '--`

(edited to add: In my joy, I forgot to credit the origin of the ASCII art:

This is Boy Running from Men in ASCII Men by Joan Stark)

Overheard at the Mercury-Charming Household.

Me, staring at my laptop, freaking out, "Do you really think I can do this?"

The Charming Man, wandering around the house, looking for his slippers, "Of course you can. Madness and despair are the inevitable consequences of attempting to do anything hard. They are also temporary states. Also, my slippers were on top of the ottoman. I must frequently walk there."

Yes, madness abounds here. I am grateful to have a crazy wise man to share it with.

How to start the day right.

I recommend listening to Elvis Presley while eating a bagel covered with sunflower seed butter and bananas. And for that Pacific Northwest flavor, add a nice hot mug of Insomnia Coffee Chai.

Then you will rock out all day long!

Overheard at the Mercury-Charming Household.

"Any meal where I get to use a rubber mallet is a very good meal."

Making progress!

I just sent my teaser chapter for Book Two (still untitled) off to my editor!

How about a pretty picture to celebrate?

Soon, I will celebrate by doing this myself, and not just by looking at a picture!

Where the hell have I been?

I've announced in other places that Kensington Publishing extended a three-book contract (with options to consider the series). I am going to be the flagship author of their new e-book line and I am stoked!

(insert running around like a happy chicken here)

I'm keeping mum on a lot of details right now - I'll be able to post more once the contracts have been signed and all the marketing has started.

As of lately, I've finished the editorial revisions to Dracula's Secret, I've gotten the back cover copy for both Dracula's Secret and Book Two (untitled at the moment). Again, I'll post them once we get closer to publication - after all, things change and I don't want to get things out too early before everything is set in stone.

Mostly, I've been writing Book Two. I'm getting a good grasp on my antagonists and I've got the plot hammered out much better. It's due in February, so it's going a lightning speed. That can be exhausting, so I'm taking lots of naps and making sure I get out and about for intellectual stimulation.

I can share that Dracula's Secret will be released on June 12th, 2012, and that Book Two will be released July 12th, 2012.

So get your reading eyes ready! I'll be able to share lots more soon. :)

There really is such a thing as fresh air!

    I've been head down over my keyboard dealing with my Supa Seekret projects, but I had to get out and see the sky yesterday. So I went to the Chinese Garden in Portland and took a bunch of pictures with my iPhone.

Things I love

Our luxurious hand-made silk Turkish rug. Everyday I look at it and every time it makes me smile.

It's easy to forget how we need both break and roses. This over the top luxury good always brings great joy.

Visiting my Muses

During October, I was privileged to work with my two favorite Muses, Kim Sakkara and Michael Baxter.

Kim designed and created a gorgeous custom dance belt for a new caftan I had found in a consignment shop. May I show you the genius that is her vision?

In action!

In addition, I got to spend a weekend collaborating with Michael, exploring myth and beauty.

My time in Kim's magic studio and in front of Michael's camera forced me to dig inside to pull out my very best words. Non-verbal art makes writing stronger, wiser, and more profound.

I thank my Muses.

Things I love.

I love the Mona Lisa. The mystical background, her soft skin, and her long neck have always brought me a sense of wonder.

It's one of those pieces of 'great' art that actually do live up to their hype.

Things I love

The Moroccan-style lamp that hangs by my desk makes me smile every time I see it. It was a gift from a former co-worker and reminds me of the good times at my former job.

What makes you smile every time?

Don't you want something pretty?

Helios' Travels

I have a new Etsy store!

Come on over and check out my one of a kind, hand painted fans over at the Linda Mercury Store!

Sweet, tasty love

As I daydream about my Weapons Dealer Woman, I wonder what kind of man would love her. Of course, her clients would attempt to seduce her - after all, wouldn't you expect your lover to give you an incredible discount on your order for a gross of Super Seekrit High Powered Killing Thing?

But that's not love - it certainly can be funny, and perhaps fun, but I don't think she'd enjoy getting laid, not paid.

True love comes when someone sees your essence - the person you have the potential to be if you had enough courage. What would he see in this woman who had already sold her soul for revenge? What would she see in him?

I think he's going to be pretty compromised himself. Perhaps he'd be on the opposite side of the law - sort of. Perhaps he'd be her competitor.

And couldn't you just see these two violent and dangerous people meeting in the local coffeehouse and getting to know each other over a couple of decaffeinated lattes?

Coffee dates amongst the corrupt and wealthy! Now there's a situation for my angry girl.

Down the rabbit hole

Ever since I posted my weapons dealer thoughts, I've been obsessed with the concept of a woman who deals arms. I haven't done any research into the world, I haven't looked at anything, but I keep going over and over what would drive a woman to an extreme career.

I followed my strange brain into this new character. While I was eating breakfast today, I jotted down her Goal, Motivation, and Conflict (previously here). I don't know what she would look like, what her name may be, or anything else. I was just playing with what kind of toll this would take on someone.

Character: Female Arms Dealer

Goal: Death.
Now, goals are supposed to be concrete, instead of vague. I mean, really - death? That's guaranteed for everybody. So I thought about it and decided she would want to destroy Warlord X. I think she'd start off wanting to kill him, but her character arc could be that she'd rather take away what he most loved (power? His drug fields? His alligator farm? Who knows yet?)

Motivation: Revenge
At first I thought she would want to avenge the deaths of her parents/family (shades of Melina Havelock from For Your Eyes Only). It's a pretty good idea, but I didn't want to get too trite. Perhaps Warlord X destroyed the school or hospital she worked at and she had to use a handgun to escape the devastation. Or someone she loved was ruined beyond healing by his actions.


Conflict: Stymied by agents of the law
This felt a bit weak to me at first, but it certainly introduces the hero! A hot, serious anti-terrorist guy? An agent from Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms? Her pissed off ex-boyfriend?

Sounds like a cool story, doesn't it?

Why I don't need to use illegal mood-altering substances.

This is an example of a random afternoon conversation in the Charming-Mercury household.

Me, arms full of clean laundry. I shout downstairs. "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be an arms dealer?"

The Charming Man in the kitchen. "No."

Pause.

The Charming Man. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

Me, standing over the bannister, holding clean sheets.  "I just wonder if it would be a good career. You never run out of market. It's recession-proof. There is always new stock being developed and you don't have to pay for the R&D."

The Charming Man, being logical.  "I doubt you'd like your clientele much. And you'd have to learn about guns."

Me: "Yeah, that would be far too much work. I certainly couldn't make a living off of selling pointy sticks."

***

But now I'm stuck wondering what kind of person goes into the arms trade? The stereotype is that of a selfish, thoughtless person. Would he or she be redeemable? What motivates them to enter this job? Why deal in the business of war at all?

And this is why I don't do drugs. I think like this all the time. :)

Things I love: Part IV

Fresh, sweet, juicy peaches.

They taste like love. :)

Things I love: Part III

I love Nike of Samothrace. Even with no head and no arms, she is the very image of a powerful woman. In postcards and pictures on the Internet, she is eye-catching. In person, she is life changing.

Things I love: II

The most important love object in my life:

The Charming Man, here with my Charming Mother in Law.

Things I love.

The first year after a big loss is not the most pleasant time of one's life. But there are things that can make getting through the day much easier.

For me, that involves looking around at the world and seeing things I love. And in honor of today, here is the first thing I love.

This is the back of my National Coming Out Day t-shirt. Check that date out!

I love National Coming Out Day. Today is the day to celebrate who you really are. It's doesn't matter if you are a nervous heterosexual, today you can accept that it's ok that you are straight and and maybe realize that GLBTQ people aren't scary at all! 

Come out of the closet. There is a lovely big world out there.

Well, I'm home.

It's been a poignant couple of weeks. There has been a lot of crying, hugging, and sharing but still, I am incredibly fatigued and numb. So yeah, no writing going on.

In addition to the loss of my grandmother, I learned that my family of birth doesn't read my blog. It didn't surprise me - I've always been the oddball of the bunch (and that's pretty darn odd, considering our bunch). But it did sting.

I'm trying to soothe that sting. The best thing I've come up with is that I am free to say whatever the hell I want here. I could write about my intimate secrets - well, ok, not that I *want* to say that much about my private life, but I *could*!

My grandmother believed in me. The Charming Man and my family of choice believes in me. And that goes a long way towards making the world a better place.

Death and other realities

My maternal grandmother passed away early this morning.  She was 94.

This is the second death for The Charming Man and I in one month.

I'm numb with grief. My grandmother gave me my love of history and my love of writing. She was the only one who seemed happy that I chose history as my major and pursued that love to an MA. She was the one who inspired me to study the Ancient World and the Middle East. She also gave me my love of romantic stories.

Everything that swirls around a death - the rituals, the services, the pain, the bizarre family in-jokes, the potential for the eruption of uncomfortable truths - creates a sense of drama and mystery. Life is sharper, fiercer, and more precious than ever.

Someday, I will write a gentle, historical romance story for her.

Thank you, Grandma, for loving me. You never gave up on me.

Moving Slowly.

Last Friday, I visited the Tao of Tea in the Lan Su Chinese Garden. I drank chrysanthemum tea (good for sore throats and allergies), ate steamed dumplings, and then reveled in moon cakes. Moon cakes are a secret obsession of mine.

Outside in the Garden proper, two people were moving through Tai Chi forms. One was a tiny Chinese woman wearing a loose fitting pink martial arts uniform. The second was an older Chinese man who had been playing music for us in the Teahouse.

Tai Chi can be done quickly. But it is usually seen with slow, graceful movements

There is something truly beautiful about moving slowly. I'm always in a rush - afraid to miss anything before death comes for me. This fear drives me to exhaustion - I don't write fast enough, I don't dance enough, I don't give enough to my loved ones. It has ruled me all my life.

The idea of going slowly, of every move being clear and deliberate - is alien to me. I cannot slow down, no matter how much it hurts me.

But the Tai Chi artists outside in the sun- their movements were focused, strong, and deliberate. Somehow, they are getting to where ever it is they are going without fuss or bustle.

What would happen if I slowed down? Just the thought of it fills me with panic.

That panic is a good sign of something I need to try.  Does going slow tie in with my idea of Dare to be Average? Could there be a way to be ambitious without being tense?

I think it's a worthy experiment.

Writing and alcohol

Vino Vixens, 2929 SE Powell Blvd.

Last week, I visited Vino Vixens Wine Bar. A good friend of mine is a bartender there. Between his encouragement, glasses of Monte Velho Portuguese White Wine, and delicious grilled cheese, I was able to get myself back on track.

I really tied one on that afternoon. For me, that means TWO glasses of wine, instead of one. Yeah, I know. Writer's Gone Wild, right here, baby!

I rarely drink. I drink alcohol and write even more rarely (I usually prefer a nice hot chai). On the occasions that I do combine the two, I receive sudden insights into the Lost Generation and their love affair with the lovely booze.

It can silence those endless litanies of your inadequacies.

It can make you feel more relaxed.

It can make you feel like a genius.

However, booze means I can barely read my handwriting. It gives me nasty, sucky headaches. It's expensive. And to top it off, I really love my liver and my brain. So I'll take the gift of grape and yeast, but not revisit it anytime soon.

With all apologies to Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Eliot, and Dos Passos, I'll avoid their creative elixir and write like a romance writer - unstoppable, alive, and with all my faculties.

Now these are some SHOES!

Vivienne Westwood Bondage Boots!

Whose fantasies are they?

When I told my fellow writers that I was posting my characters' sexual fantasies, they said, "I can't believe you are sharing your sexual fantasies with the world!"

I was startled. These postings haven't been my fantasies. They are the heated imaginings of imaginary people.

"But doesn't that make them yours?" I can hear you asking. The answer is, not really. Oh, of course, every character a writer discovers has elements of that character inside of the. Like Sophia, I am very organized and often overwhelmed by the dominant personalities in my family of birth as well as in my family of choice. Like Celeste, I love flamboyant clothing and have trouble believing that people will help me. And for my delicious hero, Gabriel, I, too, am afraid of my temper. Like Zane, I have vast ambitions.

But they aren't all me. These characters also have elements of people I've met, other fictional characters I've read, and experiences I've heard from others.

For example, I have never fantasized about sex on a horse. (My poor back! The horse's poor back!) Then where did this idea come from?

Back in 1990, Laura Kinsale wrote her groundbreaking Prince of Midnight.  (Thank heavens it has been re-issued. Read it! It's brilliant)

The final love scene between Leigh (the heroine) and S.T. (the hero) is one of the most passionate, intimate love scenes I'd ever read. Let me repeat. This was in 1990. Over twenty years is a long time remember one love scene in one book that I read once.  I cannot forget the visuals of the sunlight in the riding ring where S.T. was practicing his horsemanship, how he coaxed Leigh onto the horse and onto his lap.

I will point out, I read a LOT.

The memory of that fictional encounter inspired me. Can *I* write a love scene worthy of the gifted Ms. Kinsale? Can I pull out the emotion, the passion, the emotional connection between those two very different people that Laura did? Can I express the pleasure that she so skillfully wrote?

Like I said. I have vast ambitions. If I'm going to challenge myself, I'm going to do it big.

Whose fantasies are they? I hope the ones I write will be yours, too.

Fantasies for all: Part four

One's most coveted 'secret material' is sure to portray the subjects most unspeakable tragedies and regrets. Sexual fantasies are the lemonade we made of the most bitter fruit. Susie Bright's Journal: What I Know About Osama Bin Laden's Porn Stash. May 26, 2011

When I explored my characters' sexual fantasies - the liaison du cheval, the group sex, the enthusiastic blowjob - I learned their deepest issues.

Celeste dreams of a family of lovers - so that she will "never go hungry again". After her beloved Henry died, she was agonizingly alone. Her family didn't think to give their independent aunt support, so she was desperate for touch, warmth, and comfort. If she were surrounded by others who love her, she would never be in that place again.

Gabriel believes a blowjob - not an unusual sexual act at all - could unseat his tight emotional control. He fears what would happen if he were to give himself over to pleasure, both on a psychic and physical level.

Sophia, my pretty librarian, was overwhelmed by her passionate, fiery family. Her appetites for attention and exotic sex reveals her need to make her own stamp on the world.

And I never would have known these things if I hadn't asked them what made them wet and hard.

What do your fantasies reveal about your bitter fruit?

Fantasies for all: Part three

Hello again! I'm back and ready to write again. It's time to return to my characters' sexual fantasies and see what they reveal.

My Mentor character is Celeste Barros. She is  flamboyant and sexual, as well as a sorceress of great power. I based her on Mae West in She Done Him Wrong.  Love of diamonds included. :)

Celeste's Anytime, Anything, Anywhere Fantasy: At one point, Celeste lost her great love, a man named Henry. She would give anything to make love to her beloved Henry again. This fantasy keeps her safe from finding and losing love again, but - it makes her vulnerable to the bad guy's machinations!

Her With Conditions Fantasy: She wants to be deeply entwined with someone she loves, but she would only do it with the condition that she never lose love again.

Her In Fantasy Only Fantasy: She kept throwing all sorts of cheeky ideas at me, such as making love on a luxuriously decorated stage while Brian May played a guitar solo. Which sounded really hot to me, but I knew she was trying to distract me from her deepest secrets. So I persevered in learning about her. Celeste finally gave up the goods.

Fittingly enough, it incorporated her exhibitionist tendencies along with her tender heart. Her inner fantasy is to have a household of lovers around her, keeping her warm, loved, and sexually satisfied.

Here's to seeing if I can find a way to give Celeste what she needs!

Death in the Family

The Charming Man's step-father died yesterday from cancer. Things are going to be complicated for a few days.

Fantasies for all: Part two

I continued with my experiments on building character by exploring their sexual fantasies. And it was *fun*! I highly recommend this game.

My hero, Gabriel Rector, is a bit of a tight ass. He's Mr. Under Control for a good reason - he sees dead people. And he fears that some day his visions will destroy his sanity.

His fantasies are the only place where he safely experiences loss of control.

• Gabriel's Anytime, Anyplace fantasy: This one surprised me - Gabe would give his left arm for a woman to perform enthusiastic fellatio on him. A woman who wants to lick and suck as though she can't get enough of him - she would place her hands on his ass and set the pace until she makes him explode. 
• Gabriel's With Reservations fantasy: Gabe is a bit of a geek. And what geek doesn't dream of being a young Dick Grayson as Robin being sexually initiated by a slinky and confident Catwoman? And then turning the tables on her until she is a panting, wet, begging kitty-cat? But there is no way he could even bring up a dream like that without being sure that his partner wouldn't laugh.
• Gabriel's No Way in Hell: This one is so forbidden because it feeds on both his need to control and be out of control. It's a variant on a gangbang - three men on one woman, tying her up, fucking her, and everyone cumming as much as possible. That is waaayy to scary for Mr. Buttoned Up from Oklahoma.

What do you think? Are there any differences between figuring out a man's sexual fantasy versus a woman's?

Fantasies for all: Part one

My heroine in my latest work in progress is Sophia Barros, a Portuguese-American woman who lives in the Seattle area. At the beginning of the book, she has an earthy but unexplored sensuality. When I got into her erotic mind, this is what I found. 

1. Sophia's Make It Real Anytime, Anyplace, No Reservations At All Fantasy.

     She wants a lover who would hold her and kiss her passionately in public. Tongue for bonus points. And ass grabbing. When she's feeling particularly bold, she imagines them engaging in frottage (that is commonly called dry-humping or grinding). 

I was pleased to find this fantasy inside of my heroine. This tells me she is willing to take risks. So I dug a little further.

2. Sophia's Make It Real ONLY Under Certain Conditions Fantasy.

    She wants to be in control. As a grade school librarian, she is at the mercy of administrators, teachers, students, and parents. Sophia wants to take a man and use him as she wants.

My girl surprised me with this one. But it was nothing compared to what she thought should be kept only in her mind.


3. Sophia's No Way, Only in My Mind, It Could Never Work Fantasies:
    My little minx wants to be the only girl in the middle of three men! All those mouths, cocks, and hands working over her body. And from there, she went on to imagine lovemaking on top of a horse - the movement of the animal forcing her lover's penis inside of her harder and harder.


Well! I was amazed to find what she kept tightly under wraps. I now know just want kind of challenges I'm going to throw her way. I think Sophia is in for more of an adventure than she could ever imagine.

Where has all the sexy gone??

For the past several months, I've been blogging about self-doubt, writing rituals, and the RWA National Conference. I have been properly informative and full of profound thoughts.

How very respectable of me!

Meanwhile, my work in progress was going in fits and starts. Even worse, it sounded like some sort of tight-ass had written it. Where was the spark? Where was the white-hot action I promise??

I had forgotten than I am always more creative and prolific when I am not respectable.

In an effort to charge my batteries, I opened Susie Bright's book, How to Read/Write an Erotic Story.

As one of the leaders of the modern erotic writing movement, Susie surely knew some ways to overcome inhibition!

On page 83, I found a writing game that rocked me right out of my rut. Here's the game:

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience you would have in a minute if it were offered to you, no questions asked. It should be something that you would have no reservations or conditions about doing in real life.

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience you would only have under certain circumstances. You could give yourself up wholeheartedly under these conditions, but otherwise, not at all.

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience that is completely satisfying to you in your imagination, but which you could not do because it is either physically impossible, or something you could never bring yourself to do in real life....Yet in your mind, it is completely hot and fulfilling.

The first thing I did was write down my own thoughts, then I did the exercise for each of my main characters. I had a great time, and now I know my characters much more than I did.

I'll be posting what I learned about my characters in the following entries. As for mine....We'll have to see if I can overcome my self-editing all the way!

Coping with crippling self doubt

I post about self-doubt and fell prey to it. Damn it!

I might as well post some emotional tools to deal with this insidious, hissing critic voice.

The best cure for self-doubt is not to macho it out or to force yourself to do what you 'should' do. I've said it again, and I'll say it over and over until I get it - no one works well with someone screaming hateful words in their ears. The best motivator is kindness.

Instead of trying to overcome the enemy by yourself, call in the reinforcements. Who thinks you rock? Who thinks you are gonna make it and make it big?  Who in your life sees the very best of you?

In short, who thinks you are the best things since four wheel brakes?

If you don't feel safe with any of the people around you, make some imaginary friends. They don't mean you are crazy, it means you are surviving until you find a better place. Think of a no-nonsense but kind coach, a wise older mentor, the perfect grandparent, a character in a movie, *anyone* who can access your best interests.

Once you are past the panic/crisis phase, you can use your self-doubt as a compass to point you in the right direction. Imagine yourself in a safe, comfortable place. Think of your self doubt and ask it, "What is it you really want? What is all this about?"

Nearly always, I get a useful answer. It might want me to work on my pacing in my writing. It might want me to demand better treatment from a situation or person who is making me feel that unease. It has even pointed out that I need more sleep, better food, and a whole lot more fun!

Sometimes I don't have enough mojo to even get the call for help out. Then I reach for this book:

It's very practical and specific, unlike many self-help books. If you are stuck in your sad place, it can be a great assistance to find your fine, sweet self again.

Crippling self doubt

Self-doubt attacks everyone in the world. My experience is just like yours.

It starts with unease around your creativity.

Something in your world is not right. It might be a big crisis such as a death in your family, an ecological disaster, joblessness or divorce, and the ensuing poverty of these tragedies.

Your crisis is smaller and subtler, but it still cripples you. Perhaps everyone around you is suffering and there is nothing you can do to help them. Maybe your sleep schedule gets mucked up, or you experience a shift in your intimated relationships.

Trying to be productive under these circumstances *hurts*. And since people rightly avoid what is painful, they go to step two - procrastination. 

After all, what is the good of something as frivolous as writing your little shameful romance stories when the world is exploding?

Putting off your dream can lead to panic and second guessing.

Did you make the right decision to set aside the stuff that brings out the best of you? Shouldn't you be able to keep working no matter what? All you have to do is "force yourself to do it".

This panic churns your stomach, makes your sleep worse. I can tell you from personal experience that sleep deprivation is an untold horror. In a particularly bad part of my life, I experienced both olfactory and auditory hallucinations. My heart didn't stop racing, and I was constantly nauseated from the lack of sleep. Yet, through it all, I constantly demanded that I keep up my work schedule.

This leads to despair, that tar pit of sorrow.  You can barely leave your rooms. Despair drags at your limbs, saps you of vitality. You try to do something, anything, but you feel like you are wading through cold molasses.

It's very easy to lose all hope. In Part Two, I'm going to throw you some rope so we can pull each other out of these energy sucking cycles.

My writing rituals, part three

My

Public Library

My last two rituals encourage silliness and concentration.

I love to listen to music while I write. Anything from classical to blues to rock to pop, I’m there.  Music distracts my critic voice and allows me to get my butt in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard.

I can create words and not worry if they are trite or cliché or just plain stupid. The beat also encourages me to wiggle about, get up and dance, look up and away from my computer. Getting up and shaking your rear to The Archie’s will solve just about any writing problem you can come up with. Stuck? Wrote yourself into a corner? Not hearing your characters? Get up and do The Monkey and you’ll find the answer.

Yes, I mean it.

My very last ritual is the most traditional one of all. I like to write at the library. All the books surrounding me remind me that publication is possible! All the people working helps me focus on my own work. The giant windows that overlook the duck ponds let in plenty of light and create a peaceful atmosphere. I can put on my headphones, rock out, and work uninterrupted by thoughts of housework, personal anxieties, or non-writing tasks.

Exercise plus peaceful concentration plus silly equals writing that will move your readers.

Write on!

My writing rituals, part two

My second ritual is keeping a journal.

I used to do the Daily Pages suggested by Julia Cameron in her wonderful book, The Artist’s Way. 

However, I soon found that I spent the entire time chronicling my chronic pain problems. I mean, really? Who wants to spend all their time thinking about how much everything hurts? It just made me more depressed.  That’s why I work out first.

After I eat my breakfast and check on the day’s news, I access my mystical creativity place by clearing out what is rummaging around in my brain. I write down all my emotions, what I have been doing, my insights, and my worries. Once those are out of my mind, I brainstorm and list what I will work on this day.

Journaling is almost always in long hand. Something about the way I shape my letters stimulates the visual center of my brain. Description is not my strength, so this loosens me up for putting in the setting for my stories.

Otherwise, my readers (and I!) have no idea where things are taking place, and that’s just no fun.

My writing rituals, part one

“Every writer needs a dog to teach her fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before she lies down.”

When I think about my writing rituals, I always mangle this quote from Roger Caras. Every writer has a ritual, a way of telling her brain that now is the time to take the ideas that swirl around and put them in a concrete form. Some of us need silence. Some need music or tea or food or warm hands. The truth is that rituals do not guarantee a good day’s writing, but they certainly up the odds in your favor. And what writer can afford to muck up her odds?

I have a couple of rituals that helps my productivity.

My truly important ritual is exercise. Physical self-care is always the first thing of my day. I roll out of bed, put on my sweats, and take my curvy backside to the gym. A bizarre combination of walking, lifting, physical therapy, belly dancing, and relaxation (not all at once) keeps me from falling into a rut.

Exercise gives me the stamina to sit at my desk and it unlocks my brain. Some of my most creative solutions have come to me during my endless laps around the track. The other regulars at the gym have frequently seen me scribbling madly on a piece of paper towel with a golf pencil. 

Hey, I'm a writer. I'm immune to embarrassment and I have no fear of looking like an idiot.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Four

At the PRO retreat, Cherry Adair (Mentor of the Year) shared some statistics to help us stay brave.

80% of all Americans say they want to write a book.

Of that 80%, 2% of them start a book.

Of that 2%, 5% actually finish the book.

So, if you want to write, go for the fences. Do it! Define your success, make friends, and keep writing!

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Three.

Carolyn Pittis (see previous post) also drove the Clue Bus through our writer's brains. She shared the things writers must focus on in order to create and produce in ways that makes us happy.

1. WRITE. Always, always keep your eye on your work. If you don't write, this list won't mean anything.
2. Decide on what is your measure of success. Being self-sufficient? Getting published at least once? Having a group of fellow writers around so you can enjoy all those good stories? You decide on your success, not anyone else. 
3. Figure out your business plans. This doesn't have to be a big, scary deal - when I first tried to write a business plan, I stopped after three sentences and had a big glass of wine instead. Instead, frame the idea as a way to understand your definition of success. Do you understand how other players win? What do you have to offer in your product? Who are the best partners for you to achieve that success you want? What is the best way to inform yourself as to the economics of your business?

Think about these ideas. How many books a year do you want to write? What kinds of support do you need to achieve these goals?

Support is something writers and other artists don't talk about much; but we need people who encourage our brave hearts. We take risks, we try new things, we test social mores. This can be exhausting and frightening.

So think about what helps you put your Butt in Chair and Fingers on Keyboard. Do you need pep talks? Brainstorming friends? Someone to help you write query letters?

In the end, all of these ideas and questions lead back to the most important Clue that Carolyn gave us - always keep writing.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Two.

Due to jet lag, I got a late start on the conference on Wednesday, the 29th. Fortunately, I was able to get up and get going in time for the PRO Retreat.

In RWA, there are various sub-groups aimed towards serving the needs of every member. The PRO subgroup is aimed at people who have finished a manuscript and sent it to an agent or editor. (If you get accepted, then you move into the Published Author Network group, but I'm not there yet.)

The PRO retreat ran from 2:00 to 5:30 and was packed full of things to help unpublished authors reach their goals.

The Keynote speaker was Carolyn Pittis, the Senior Vice-President for Global Marketing Strategy and Operations at HarperCollins. Carolyn is a supergenius who understands her field better than anyone I've heard speak on the changing environments of publishing and creating. I take notes very quickly (all those years in graduate school come in handy for something!), but even I could hardly keep up with her insightful analysis.

If anyone who was at the retreat wants to chime in on anything I missed, please feel free!

I've been hearing about "The Digital Revolution" since I was in Library School back in 1996. In these last six months, the revolution come into fruition faster than it was in the last 15 years. Since Christmas 2010, the new players in publishing - Apple, Google, Amazon - and in retail - CES reported over one hundred  new electronic devices in the past year- caused the biggest jump ever in the purchase of e-books.

J.K. Rowling has left traditional publishing to go completely to online sales. On the other hand, Amanda Hocking, one of the most successful e-writers ever, has joined a traditional, paper-based publisher in order to get her books into Wal-mart and other brick and mortar shops.

The rise of new tech, the increase of data, and the wider demand of consumer choices has created an atmosphere that allows writers to chose paths they never would have thought of. No longer is the NYT or the USAToday bestseller lists the only choices in the path to success.

Authors deciding to publish their books have to ask themselves some key questions:

1. Money: What is my break-even number? How much money do I have to make as a writer in order to write comfortably?

2. Marketing: Do I have to have marketing reach on my own? How much do I need? And (here's the big one), how much do I like marketing?

3. Collaboration: Contrary to the myth of the solitary writer, writing and publishing is an act of collaboration. How much do you need to control your work? How well do you take feedback? Can you handle someone  telling what you need to do to make your work more market friendly?

4. Author Equity: How much do others like your work? What might I do to increase my work's popularity?

Next time, I'll be talking about what authors need to focus on in today's market.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part One.

The Romance Writers of America's National Conference was held from June 28th through July 1st in New York City in Midtown Manhattan. This trip was the perfect combination of NYC (crowds, humidity) and RWA (creativity, inspiration).

I'd been dreaming of New York since I was a young girl, and I'd been dreaming of going to Nationals since I joined RWA six years ago. What a perfect opportunity to combine my dreams into one neat package! The Charming Man was not about to be left behind, so the two of us planned and schemed until we got our butts in our airplane and took off. :)

I've often said that if you want to learn to write, you must join RWA. This conference proves it.

2000+ writers mingled with agents, editors, heads of publishing houses, and each other. The book signing's line coiled around three floors and then out to the street - and it raised $57,000 for adult literacy. Editors from every publishing house spoke freely about their jobs and what kinds of books they were looking for.

There were hundreds of workshops in five tracks:

• Craft
• Career
• Writer's Life/Muse
• Publishing
• Research

Just on the first day, there were over twenty five workshops with names such as:

• Building Your Author Website
• Creating Three Dimensional Characters
• Show Me the Money! (Yes, it was about how you will get paid as an author)
• Writing Romance through Separation and Divorce
• Twenty Five Years in Romance: An editor explains Romance Publishing and how it works

As you can imagine, it was like earning a BA in Creative Writing in a long weekend. And it rocked!

Home!

I have returned from the wilds of the East Coast! I am currently drafting my posts about my visit to New York and the RWA National Conference. But first, a picture to tease:

A black figure libation bowl from the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

AFK for a good reason...

The Charming Man and I are going to New York City for the Romance Writers of America National Conference!

(Yes, someone is staying at the house.)

I will most likely be updating my Facebook instead of this blog - I won't be taking my laptop (Yes, someone is staying at the house), so I'll be using my iPhone for communication.

We've not been to the East Coast before, so this will be an adventure!!

(Yes, someone is staying at the house.:)

Dinner with The Flaming Chef and Dr. Snickerdoodle

The Flaming Chef (whose witty and politically aware blog is sadly on hiatus) is another writer trying to make his way in the world. He is working on a brilliant and funny memoir of being a gay man in the macho, intolerant atmosphere of the food industry.

We try to get together once a week to encourage each other and write together. Then The Flaming Chef will cook something spectacular and The Charming Man, Dr. Snickerdoodle (TFC's gorgeous husband), and I will eat like crazed cavemen.

Here is one meal he created last month.

Baguette and butter for a starter, followed by:

Salad made with avocado, tomato, olive oil, salt, lemon, and baby lettuces.

Yum, yum, yummy wine from Vino Vixens wine shop

Langostines  sauteed in butter, olive oil, shallots, and parsley!

 

 

And, finally, an amazing baked salmon to top it off.

You should have been there!

Passion, food, experimentation.

I believe that someone who reveals a love of food and is willing to try new foods also shows a passion for the other sensual pleasures in life. The Charming Man and myself try to surround ourselves with as many delicious foods and beverages as possible, and we try to surround our friends with the delicious bounty of the Pacific Northwest, as well.

I'm not much of a food photographer (I'm far too impatient to get to the eating), but I'm going to be sharing pictures and stories of a few of the delicious food adventures I've had.

Here's a teaser picture!

Persephone's  Choice from The Heathman Bar and Restaurant in Portland, OR

Out of nowhere...

I love doing sit-ups. They do awesome things for my posture, my waist, and my general state of happiness.

What is your favorite exercise?

Advice to men, from a romance writer, Part Four

Of course, I have more personal pet peeves about male fashion.  It continues with my obsession with men's legs.

If you are wearing dark pants and dark shoes, please, please, PLEASE don't wear white socks. I hate to break the news, my sweet puddings, but it does not make you look like Michael Jackson when he was in his prime.

And this rule's corollary: No dark socks with sandals and shorts. Again, we're back to the stumpification of your sexy lower half.  Proportion remains the rule - you really don't want a torso that is two thirds of your body length.

The most important advice that I can give a man who is interested in a lady has nothing to do with clothes.
A poorly dressed man who understands the principle I'm about to reveal will have it all over a sharp dressed boor.

Here it is:

Look her in the eyes and let her finish her sentences.

In fact, I'll say it again, with a different font.

Look her in the eyes and let her finish her sentences. 

Nothing is more erotic, more sensual, more enticing to a woman than a man who genuinely listens to her concerns and ideas, and doesn't use them as a springboard for his own, much more important opinions.

This is what makes a romance hero so special. This is why women write and read romance - to find a man who values our intelligence even more than our bodies.

This is why I am giving you advice. Because I want you to be a sexy, awesome hero, too.

Advice to men, from a romance writer, Part Three

 It's very nice and all, but all we get is a nice view of your chin. And I'll be honest. Chins just don't rate as highly as eyes on the Sexy-o-Meter.

Another way to highlight your best features is to take off your baseball cap/trucker cap. If you are wearing one of these inside a building and especially on a date - take it off!

A man's eyes, eyelashes, lips, and smile are the prime attractors. A cap throws them into shadows, preventing soulful, sexy eye contact. You want people to see your eyes. WE want to see your eyes. And no, it doesn't matter if you are balding.

By all means, wear your cap if you are working outside in the sun. Once with a date, though, remove it. It makes you look courtly, stylish, and very, very classy. And what man doesn't want that?

Advice to men, from a romance writer, Part Two

Let's dive right into the important task of helping a man entice the kind of attention he would like. We'll start with clothing.

The point of clothing is to highlight your body's attractive parts and downplay what you are uncomfortable with. Every since fashion magazine, blog, and clothing store beats women over the head with this truth. For some reason, this rarely gets translated into action for men.

Let me give you an example.

I was sitting in a coffee shop when I drafted this post. A handsome young men came in to do some reading with his friends.

He had lovely curly blond hair and a wicked smile. He walked like a wrestler with a light and strong stride. But his pants bagged down past his mid-thighs. His hoodie drooped to past the waistband of his pants.

He didn't look sexy or interesting. The clothing made his body look deformed and disproportionate. The low pants and long jacket combined to make his torso appear to be three fourths of his body and shortened his legs into stubs.

It made me worry if he had been malnourished as an infant. This is not what you want someone thinking about when they look at you.

My very first advice is PULL UP YOUR PANTS and TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT.

Yes, I know this makes me sound like a grumpy old geezer. But go back to the basic principle of clothing- to highlight your best features and to downplay what makes you feel insecure.

Pulling up your pants will make you legs look long and strong. It'll show off your rear end and your package (and these views are a potent force for good in this universe! And who doesn't want to be a hero?). And it will put your body into proportion.

Many men who have bellies believe that a long shirt hanging down will disguise that flesh. But, remember, it merely stumpifies your legs! The long shirt is also likely to ride up, revealing what you are trying to hide. If you tuck in your shirt, it will make you look more together, more dressed, and will highlight your better parts.

Never fear! I have many more opinions on male attire and how to draw appreciative eyes. More tomorrow!

Advice to men, from a romance writer.

I'm a romance writer. This means I am a student of interactions between people- especially interactions that involve sexual or romantic tension.

Basically, the above is a nice way to say that I  spend a lot of time watching men.

While I'm watching men, I study their body language, the way they talk, the way they move, and how they present themselves.*

If it is true that men think of sex every seven seconds,  they certainly do not dress in a way that invites the female to think sexy thoughts about them. And forget getting them interested to approach the guy!

When I've been out and about, I've seen far too many heterosexual couples out on a date where the lady has put on a flattering outfit, worn stylish jewelry and pretty shoes, and applied makeup, while the gentleman (and I'm using the term loosely here) looks like he has just finished mowing the lawn in his flip flops, droopy shorts, and baseball cap.

Let me tell you that under these circumstances, the ladies never displayed any preening behaviors, or exhibited attraction in her body language. None of them were impressed.

For the next few days, I will present a romance writer's guide to male style. After all, I want to use you as inspiration for a romance hero!

*(If you are a guy and you see an extra-curvy, middle-aged [yet glamorous] woman staring at you, then taking notes, square your shoulders, spread your legs a little and give me a wink. I promise I'll blush).

Writing exercises!

Every writer, pro or amateur, likes to play with ideas. Writing exercises such as writing to a timer, journaling, or engaging in microdescription (such as describing a single leaf on plant, etc.) can create huge amounts of joy and playfulness.

I found this writing exercise in my horoscope, of all places. Rob Breszny, author of the world's most delightful horoscopes, gave this as a prompt:

[An] exercise that's likely to energize you in just the right way is to picture yourself at age 77. I suggest you create a detailed vision of who you'll be at that time. See yourself drinking a cup of tea as you gaze out over a verdant valley on a sunny afternoon in June. What are you wearing? What kind of tea is it? What birds do you see? What are your favorite memories of the last 30 years?

Well! Who could resist such a delicious dream? Certainly not I! So I grabbed some paper and this is what I got.

I'm in the south of Spain, drinking peppermint tea with honey as I sit in a comfortable cushioned lounge chair. I'm wearing loose, cool pants and an ice-blue blouse that reveals my still magnificent bosom and nipped in waist. (Admitting my vanity is not comfortable for me. Oh, well. Might as well stay truthful, eh?)

I'm over looking the valley that leads to an open, golden beach below. The Charming Man and I are staying at a beautifully restored house with a lush, green garden. Hummingbirds and bees sing an early morning melody and share their amazing colors with the flowers and plants. The Charming Man is still asleep as I enjoy my tea and take notes for my next book.

I remember the first time I hit the Best Seller List. I enjoy knowing that I started scholarships for women who study history and that I support a non-profit that helps women start businesses.

I get up and do a few belly dance moves to express my happiness at reaching this moment in my life.

Now!

YOU tell me what you want to have happen when you are 77.

I can see clearly now, Part Four.

After my surgery, I spent the day sleeping, taking Vicodin, and listening to The Goon Show. Is there anything that Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, and Harry Secombe cannot make better? :)

When I was awake, I used my Prednisone drops once an hour. The drops kept my vision a little fuzzy, but kept my eyes feeling relaxed and soothed.

I tried to be back to normal by the next day, but, as usual, I expected myself to heal too fast. So the Charming Man drove me to Dr. Teplik's office for my day after check up. Everything was closing up just fine!

It took about four days for me to completely adapt to my new vision. I have far fewer headaches than I used to when I had my contacts. In addition, my vision is improved beyond what contacts or glasses used to provide. I'll be using the sterile tears for another two months, but they feel so good, it's not a problem.

By the time of my one week check up, I was completely up to speed, vision-wise. I still have some habits that are hard to break - I still say that I need to take my contacts out, and I still reach for my glasses when I go to bed at night.

Being able to see when I get up is utterly weird. But it is also utterly fantastic!

LASIK was absolutely one of the smartest things I've done. :)

I can see clearly now, Part Three.

I was as ready as I could be. I had filled the prescriptions I needed - antibiotic drops, Prednisone drops, sterile artificial tears, and a small amount of Vicodan.

Also, The Charming Man had arranged to work remotely. If you are going to get LASIK, you cannot drive yourself after the surgery. You might want someone to drive you for the next couple days after, too.

The day arrived! I was both thrilled and terrified by the unknown.The appointment itself was for two hours. The major part of it was taken with careful measuring and more eye tests - double and even triple checking the changes in my eyes.

My regular optometrist and I had decided on the monovision option - where one eye is corrected for distance  vision, and the other is corrected for close work. (Note for the ages: I love my monovision. I no longer need reading glasses!) If you chose this, be sure to tell your eye doctor to tell the surgeon what distance you want the correction to be at. I learned that several doctors forget to add this important information to the files.

After the tests, they gave me two tablets of Valium and took TCM and I to a relaxation room to let the sedative kick in.

I immediately fell asleep. :) When the nurse came in twenty minutes later, I could barely be bothered to get off the sofa.

Which means the actual surgery is a bit fuzzy in my memory. I have to say it was cool as hell, though.

Dr. Teplick was a complete rock star. The entire surgery took less than five minutes and he talked me through the entire thing. I felt completely comfortable and safe.

They taped my eyelashes down so I couldn't blink and applied a little suction to my eyeballs to make sure they were nice and prominent. This actually felt pretty cool. I thought I would hate it, but it was not a problem at all. The laser machine then flipped into place above me. My right eye got corrected first.

I saw some blinking red lights above me, then a steady red light. This was the laser cutting and reshaping the cornea. They repeated the pretty light show on my left eye, then. The Charming Man even got to watch the whole thing in a special viewing room. Awesome-sauce, indeed!

My eyesight was a little blurry from all the drops, but I could tell my vision was different. Then Dr. Teplik gave me some really cook Kareem Abdul Jabbar goggles to protect my eyes.

I had to wear them for the first twenty-four hours, then sleep in them for a week afterwards.  And they work great if I have to work with dusty things, too!

The Charming Man then gently led me to the car and took me home.

My next post will be about the after care and how I've been adapting since.

I can see clearly now, Part Two..

After I determined I wasn't going to deal with near sightedness anymore, I took the first steps to making it happen.

First, I had to talk to my optometrist. I had heard it couldn't correct astigmatism or other common defects. (True fact - it actually can fix most astigmatisms). When I went in for my usual appointment, I asked her to check my eyes for my suitability.

I was a go! Right there, I made an appointment with a surgeon, Dr. Teplik of Teplic Surgery. I am happy to report that Dr. T was in no way, shape, or form a money-grubbing knife jockey. Whew!

My consult included a number of extremely thorough eye exams, including a map of my eyes that showed the shape of my eyeballs and corneas. Dr. Teplik told me what surgery would entail - cutting open the cornea with a laser (no knives, therefore much cleaner healing). Also, no one had ever gone blind from LASIK. That was a huge relief!

Since I had worn hard and gas permeable lenses for so long, I had to wear my glasses for about five weeks for my eyes to relax back into a natural shape. If you wear soft lenses, this time period is much shorter.  This was the only part of the procedure that I didn't like. I felt fatigued all the time, and as my eyes adjusted, I would develop dreadful headaches. I spent a lot of time napping and grumbling.

A week before the surgery was scheduled, I had another checkup with Dr. Teplik and his super-awesome staff. More eye tests and mapping to determine if my corneas had stabilized enough.

They had! I could have surgery on my scheduled day.

Next time - surgery itself.

I can see clearly now, Part One.

I know this looks like a seductive gaze, but mostly I just couldn't see what was going on.

I've been asked to tell the story of my LASIK surgery. Here's the first part.

Ever since vision correction surgery became possible, I said I would never, never, ever do such a thing. I was happy with the correction that my contacts gave me and I didn't want some money grubbing knife jockey mucking about in my delicate eyes.

This was not some frivolous statement. I started wearing glasses around 1973 (second grade, if you must know) and got hard contacts in 1982. I *meant* it when I said, "No damn way in hell."

My Call to Adventure (remember that? It's the stimulus that takes a hero on her journey) was the oddest thought I'd ever had. I was washing my feet in the shower and I realized that I had no memory of ever seeing my feet in clear focus.

I knew I had to have seen my feet clearly at some point in my life. I was much shorter at one point, and my eyes had slowly degraded over the years. I had to have memories of what my feet looked like.

You know what pissed me off? That when women can't see their feet, they usually get a baby out of the deal. I was just freaking near sighted!

I wasn't about to live with this any longer. I didn't want to squint my life away. I didn't want to spend my days worrying about my contacts popping out.


I decided that I would investigate if I were a good candidate for eye surgery.

The joy of going to the library

I love checking books out from the library because that means I can test ride books that I otherwise would feel ambivalent about buying.

I picked up Thorn Queen by Richelle Mead, Book Two in the Dark Swan series.

I hadn't read any of her other books and picked up this one by chance. It's a good urban fantasy, complete with a love triangle, a morally compromised heroine torn between two legacies, betrayal, and some truly disturbing rape scenes.

I have mixed feelings about this book. It is very well written - fast-paced, complicated, great world building . She did a great job of telling me what happened in Book One so that I didn't feel left behind. The sex was hot, the men fascinating, the plot was twisty and dangerous.

I was highly disappointed by the climax, though.  Spoilers ahead, so stop reading here if you don't like that.

In Act Three, the heroine has been drugged, kidnapped, is held captive, and is repeatedly raped. (This is a very triggery section if you've dealt with rape or other kinds of sexual abuse). She rescues herself and the other captives (Yay!). The cavalry comes in the form of the two men vying for her affection and her step-father.

The rules in this world guarantee that the rapist cannot be brought to justice.  The men prevent her from killing her tormentor and argue between themselves about killing the criminal. Finally, one of her suitors shakes off the other men and kills the rapist.

This really annoyed me. Twenty five hundred years ago, Euripides wrote the play Medea.

Medea took her own revenge on her ex-husband Jason by murdering the woman he left her for, the girl's father, and the two children that she and Jason had together.This story is an unflinching look at women's capacity for finding her own justice.

The heroine in Thorn Queen had killed before. She was no innocent to be ruined by the shedding of blood. It would have been perfectly in character for her to engage in this final deed. I would have been fascinated to see the consequences of this act on her already compromised soul.

Why did the author shy away from letting the heroine decide the consequences  for the crimes committed to her own body? Why did a man have to act as her surrogate? Why did the men not understand her anger and hurt? What would be the price of becoming a Dark Queen?

These questions left me disappointed. I feel this was an amazing book that got frightened at the end. I look forward to seeing where Richelle Mead takes her books in the future.