Where has all the sexy gone??

For the past several months, I've been blogging about self-doubt, writing rituals, and the RWA National Conference. I have been properly informative and full of profound thoughts.

How very respectable of me!

Meanwhile, my work in progress was going in fits and starts. Even worse, it sounded like some sort of tight-ass had written it. Where was the spark? Where was the white-hot action I promise??

I had forgotten than I am always more creative and prolific when I am not respectable.

In an effort to charge my batteries, I opened Susie Bright's book, How to Read/Write an Erotic Story.

As one of the leaders of the modern erotic writing movement, Susie surely knew some ways to overcome inhibition!

On page 83, I found a writing game that rocked me right out of my rut. Here's the game:

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience you would have in a minute if it were offered to you, no questions asked. It should be something that you would have no reservations or conditions about doing in real life.

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience you would only have under certain circumstances. You could give yourself up wholeheartedly under these conditions, but otherwise, not at all.

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience that is completely satisfying to you in your imagination, but which you could not do because it is either physically impossible, or something you could never bring yourself to do in real life....Yet in your mind, it is completely hot and fulfilling.

The first thing I did was write down my own thoughts, then I did the exercise for each of my main characters. I had a great time, and now I know my characters much more than I did.

I'll be posting what I learned about my characters in the following entries. As for mine....We'll have to see if I can overcome my self-editing all the way!

Coping with crippling self doubt

I post about self-doubt and fell prey to it. Damn it!

I might as well post some emotional tools to deal with this insidious, hissing critic voice.

The best cure for self-doubt is not to macho it out or to force yourself to do what you 'should' do. I've said it again, and I'll say it over and over until I get it - no one works well with someone screaming hateful words in their ears. The best motivator is kindness.

Instead of trying to overcome the enemy by yourself, call in the reinforcements. Who thinks you rock? Who thinks you are gonna make it and make it big?  Who in your life sees the very best of you?

In short, who thinks you are the best things since four wheel brakes?

If you don't feel safe with any of the people around you, make some imaginary friends. They don't mean you are crazy, it means you are surviving until you find a better place. Think of a no-nonsense but kind coach, a wise older mentor, the perfect grandparent, a character in a movie, *anyone* who can access your best interests.

Once you are past the panic/crisis phase, you can use your self-doubt as a compass to point you in the right direction. Imagine yourself in a safe, comfortable place. Think of your self doubt and ask it, "What is it you really want? What is all this about?"

Nearly always, I get a useful answer. It might want me to work on my pacing in my writing. It might want me to demand better treatment from a situation or person who is making me feel that unease. It has even pointed out that I need more sleep, better food, and a whole lot more fun!

Sometimes I don't have enough mojo to even get the call for help out. Then I reach for this book:

It's very practical and specific, unlike many self-help books. If you are stuck in your sad place, it can be a great assistance to find your fine, sweet self again.

Crippling self doubt

Self-doubt attacks everyone in the world. My experience is just like yours.

It starts with unease around your creativity.

Something in your world is not right. It might be a big crisis such as a death in your family, an ecological disaster, joblessness or divorce, and the ensuing poverty of these tragedies.

Your crisis is smaller and subtler, but it still cripples you. Perhaps everyone around you is suffering and there is nothing you can do to help them. Maybe your sleep schedule gets mucked up, or you experience a shift in your intimated relationships.

Trying to be productive under these circumstances *hurts*. And since people rightly avoid what is painful, they go to step two - procrastination. 

After all, what is the good of something as frivolous as writing your little shameful romance stories when the world is exploding?

Putting off your dream can lead to panic and second guessing.

Did you make the right decision to set aside the stuff that brings out the best of you? Shouldn't you be able to keep working no matter what? All you have to do is "force yourself to do it".

This panic churns your stomach, makes your sleep worse. I can tell you from personal experience that sleep deprivation is an untold horror. In a particularly bad part of my life, I experienced both olfactory and auditory hallucinations. My heart didn't stop racing, and I was constantly nauseated from the lack of sleep. Yet, through it all, I constantly demanded that I keep up my work schedule.

This leads to despair, that tar pit of sorrow.  You can barely leave your rooms. Despair drags at your limbs, saps you of vitality. You try to do something, anything, but you feel like you are wading through cold molasses.

It's very easy to lose all hope. In Part Two, I'm going to throw you some rope so we can pull each other out of these energy sucking cycles.

My writing rituals, part three

My

Public Library

My last two rituals encourage silliness and concentration.

I love to listen to music while I write. Anything from classical to blues to rock to pop, I’m there.  Music distracts my critic voice and allows me to get my butt in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard.

I can create words and not worry if they are trite or cliché or just plain stupid. The beat also encourages me to wiggle about, get up and dance, look up and away from my computer. Getting up and shaking your rear to The Archie’s will solve just about any writing problem you can come up with. Stuck? Wrote yourself into a corner? Not hearing your characters? Get up and do The Monkey and you’ll find the answer.

Yes, I mean it.

My very last ritual is the most traditional one of all. I like to write at the library. All the books surrounding me remind me that publication is possible! All the people working helps me focus on my own work. The giant windows that overlook the duck ponds let in plenty of light and create a peaceful atmosphere. I can put on my headphones, rock out, and work uninterrupted by thoughts of housework, personal anxieties, or non-writing tasks.

Exercise plus peaceful concentration plus silly equals writing that will move your readers.

Write on!

My writing rituals, part two

My second ritual is keeping a journal.

I used to do the Daily Pages suggested by Julia Cameron in her wonderful book, The Artist’s Way. 

However, I soon found that I spent the entire time chronicling my chronic pain problems. I mean, really? Who wants to spend all their time thinking about how much everything hurts? It just made me more depressed.  That’s why I work out first.

After I eat my breakfast and check on the day’s news, I access my mystical creativity place by clearing out what is rummaging around in my brain. I write down all my emotions, what I have been doing, my insights, and my worries. Once those are out of my mind, I brainstorm and list what I will work on this day.

Journaling is almost always in long hand. Something about the way I shape my letters stimulates the visual center of my brain. Description is not my strength, so this loosens me up for putting in the setting for my stories.

Otherwise, my readers (and I!) have no idea where things are taking place, and that’s just no fun.

My writing rituals, part one

“Every writer needs a dog to teach her fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before she lies down.”

When I think about my writing rituals, I always mangle this quote from Roger Caras. Every writer has a ritual, a way of telling her brain that now is the time to take the ideas that swirl around and put them in a concrete form. Some of us need silence. Some need music or tea or food or warm hands. The truth is that rituals do not guarantee a good day’s writing, but they certainly up the odds in your favor. And what writer can afford to muck up her odds?

I have a couple of rituals that helps my productivity.

My truly important ritual is exercise. Physical self-care is always the first thing of my day. I roll out of bed, put on my sweats, and take my curvy backside to the gym. A bizarre combination of walking, lifting, physical therapy, belly dancing, and relaxation (not all at once) keeps me from falling into a rut.

Exercise gives me the stamina to sit at my desk and it unlocks my brain. Some of my most creative solutions have come to me during my endless laps around the track. The other regulars at the gym have frequently seen me scribbling madly on a piece of paper towel with a golf pencil. 

Hey, I'm a writer. I'm immune to embarrassment and I have no fear of looking like an idiot.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Four

At the PRO retreat, Cherry Adair (Mentor of the Year) shared some statistics to help us stay brave.

80% of all Americans say they want to write a book.

Of that 80%, 2% of them start a book.

Of that 2%, 5% actually finish the book.

So, if you want to write, go for the fences. Do it! Define your success, make friends, and keep writing!

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Three.

Carolyn Pittis (see previous post) also drove the Clue Bus through our writer's brains. She shared the things writers must focus on in order to create and produce in ways that makes us happy.

1. WRITE. Always, always keep your eye on your work. If you don't write, this list won't mean anything.
2. Decide on what is your measure of success. Being self-sufficient? Getting published at least once? Having a group of fellow writers around so you can enjoy all those good stories? You decide on your success, not anyone else. 
3. Figure out your business plans. This doesn't have to be a big, scary deal - when I first tried to write a business plan, I stopped after three sentences and had a big glass of wine instead. Instead, frame the idea as a way to understand your definition of success. Do you understand how other players win? What do you have to offer in your product? Who are the best partners for you to achieve that success you want? What is the best way to inform yourself as to the economics of your business?

Think about these ideas. How many books a year do you want to write? What kinds of support do you need to achieve these goals?

Support is something writers and other artists don't talk about much; but we need people who encourage our brave hearts. We take risks, we try new things, we test social mores. This can be exhausting and frightening.

So think about what helps you put your Butt in Chair and Fingers on Keyboard. Do you need pep talks? Brainstorming friends? Someone to help you write query letters?

In the end, all of these ideas and questions lead back to the most important Clue that Carolyn gave us - always keep writing.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Two.

Due to jet lag, I got a late start on the conference on Wednesday, the 29th. Fortunately, I was able to get up and get going in time for the PRO Retreat.

In RWA, there are various sub-groups aimed towards serving the needs of every member. The PRO subgroup is aimed at people who have finished a manuscript and sent it to an agent or editor. (If you get accepted, then you move into the Published Author Network group, but I'm not there yet.)

The PRO retreat ran from 2:00 to 5:30 and was packed full of things to help unpublished authors reach their goals.

The Keynote speaker was Carolyn Pittis, the Senior Vice-President for Global Marketing Strategy and Operations at HarperCollins. Carolyn is a supergenius who understands her field better than anyone I've heard speak on the changing environments of publishing and creating. I take notes very quickly (all those years in graduate school come in handy for something!), but even I could hardly keep up with her insightful analysis.

If anyone who was at the retreat wants to chime in on anything I missed, please feel free!

I've been hearing about "The Digital Revolution" since I was in Library School back in 1996. In these last six months, the revolution come into fruition faster than it was in the last 15 years. Since Christmas 2010, the new players in publishing - Apple, Google, Amazon - and in retail - CES reported over one hundred  new electronic devices in the past year- caused the biggest jump ever in the purchase of e-books.

J.K. Rowling has left traditional publishing to go completely to online sales. On the other hand, Amanda Hocking, one of the most successful e-writers ever, has joined a traditional, paper-based publisher in order to get her books into Wal-mart and other brick and mortar shops.

The rise of new tech, the increase of data, and the wider demand of consumer choices has created an atmosphere that allows writers to chose paths they never would have thought of. No longer is the NYT or the USAToday bestseller lists the only choices in the path to success.

Authors deciding to publish their books have to ask themselves some key questions:

1. Money: What is my break-even number? How much money do I have to make as a writer in order to write comfortably?

2. Marketing: Do I have to have marketing reach on my own? How much do I need? And (here's the big one), how much do I like marketing?

3. Collaboration: Contrary to the myth of the solitary writer, writing and publishing is an act of collaboration. How much do you need to control your work? How well do you take feedback? Can you handle someone  telling what you need to do to make your work more market friendly?

4. Author Equity: How much do others like your work? What might I do to increase my work's popularity?

Next time, I'll be talking about what authors need to focus on in today's market.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part One.

The Romance Writers of America's National Conference was held from June 28th through July 1st in New York City in Midtown Manhattan. This trip was the perfect combination of NYC (crowds, humidity) and RWA (creativity, inspiration).

I'd been dreaming of New York since I was a young girl, and I'd been dreaming of going to Nationals since I joined RWA six years ago. What a perfect opportunity to combine my dreams into one neat package! The Charming Man was not about to be left behind, so the two of us planned and schemed until we got our butts in our airplane and took off. :)

I've often said that if you want to learn to write, you must join RWA. This conference proves it.

2000+ writers mingled with agents, editors, heads of publishing houses, and each other. The book signing's line coiled around three floors and then out to the street - and it raised $57,000 for adult literacy. Editors from every publishing house spoke freely about their jobs and what kinds of books they were looking for.

There were hundreds of workshops in five tracks:

• Craft
• Career
• Writer's Life/Muse
• Publishing
• Research

Just on the first day, there were over twenty five workshops with names such as:

• Building Your Author Website
• Creating Three Dimensional Characters
• Show Me the Money! (Yes, it was about how you will get paid as an author)
• Writing Romance through Separation and Divorce
• Twenty Five Years in Romance: An editor explains Romance Publishing and how it works

As you can imagine, it was like earning a BA in Creative Writing in a long weekend. And it rocked!

Home!

I have returned from the wilds of the East Coast! I am currently drafting my posts about my visit to New York and the RWA National Conference. But first, a picture to tease:

A black figure libation bowl from the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

AFK for a good reason...

The Charming Man and I are going to New York City for the Romance Writers of America National Conference!

(Yes, someone is staying at the house.)

I will most likely be updating my Facebook instead of this blog - I won't be taking my laptop (Yes, someone is staying at the house), so I'll be using my iPhone for communication.

We've not been to the East Coast before, so this will be an adventure!!

(Yes, someone is staying at the house.:)

Dinner with The Flaming Chef and Dr. Snickerdoodle

The Flaming Chef (whose witty and politically aware blog is sadly on hiatus) is another writer trying to make his way in the world. He is working on a brilliant and funny memoir of being a gay man in the macho, intolerant atmosphere of the food industry.

We try to get together once a week to encourage each other and write together. Then The Flaming Chef will cook something spectacular and The Charming Man, Dr. Snickerdoodle (TFC's gorgeous husband), and I will eat like crazed cavemen.

Here is one meal he created last month.

Baguette and butter for a starter, followed by:

Salad made with avocado, tomato, olive oil, salt, lemon, and baby lettuces.

Yum, yum, yummy wine from Vino Vixens wine shop

Langostines  sauteed in butter, olive oil, shallots, and parsley!

 

 

And, finally, an amazing baked salmon to top it off.

You should have been there!

Passion, food, experimentation.

I believe that someone who reveals a love of food and is willing to try new foods also shows a passion for the other sensual pleasures in life. The Charming Man and myself try to surround ourselves with as many delicious foods and beverages as possible, and we try to surround our friends with the delicious bounty of the Pacific Northwest, as well.

I'm not much of a food photographer (I'm far too impatient to get to the eating), but I'm going to be sharing pictures and stories of a few of the delicious food adventures I've had.

Here's a teaser picture!

Persephone's  Choice from The Heathman Bar and Restaurant in Portland, OR

Out of nowhere...

I love doing sit-ups. They do awesome things for my posture, my waist, and my general state of happiness.

What is your favorite exercise?

Advice to men, from a romance writer, Part Four

Of course, I have more personal pet peeves about male fashion.  It continues with my obsession with men's legs.

If you are wearing dark pants and dark shoes, please, please, PLEASE don't wear white socks. I hate to break the news, my sweet puddings, but it does not make you look like Michael Jackson when he was in his prime.

And this rule's corollary: No dark socks with sandals and shorts. Again, we're back to the stumpification of your sexy lower half.  Proportion remains the rule - you really don't want a torso that is two thirds of your body length.

The most important advice that I can give a man who is interested in a lady has nothing to do with clothes.
A poorly dressed man who understands the principle I'm about to reveal will have it all over a sharp dressed boor.

Here it is:

Look her in the eyes and let her finish her sentences.

In fact, I'll say it again, with a different font.

Look her in the eyes and let her finish her sentences. 

Nothing is more erotic, more sensual, more enticing to a woman than a man who genuinely listens to her concerns and ideas, and doesn't use them as a springboard for his own, much more important opinions.

This is what makes a romance hero so special. This is why women write and read romance - to find a man who values our intelligence even more than our bodies.

This is why I am giving you advice. Because I want you to be a sexy, awesome hero, too.

Advice to men, from a romance writer, Part Three

 It's very nice and all, but all we get is a nice view of your chin. And I'll be honest. Chins just don't rate as highly as eyes on the Sexy-o-Meter.

Another way to highlight your best features is to take off your baseball cap/trucker cap. If you are wearing one of these inside a building and especially on a date - take it off!

A man's eyes, eyelashes, lips, and smile are the prime attractors. A cap throws them into shadows, preventing soulful, sexy eye contact. You want people to see your eyes. WE want to see your eyes. And no, it doesn't matter if you are balding.

By all means, wear your cap if you are working outside in the sun. Once with a date, though, remove it. It makes you look courtly, stylish, and very, very classy. And what man doesn't want that?

Advice to men, from a romance writer, Part Two

Let's dive right into the important task of helping a man entice the kind of attention he would like. We'll start with clothing.

The point of clothing is to highlight your body's attractive parts and downplay what you are uncomfortable with. Every since fashion magazine, blog, and clothing store beats women over the head with this truth. For some reason, this rarely gets translated into action for men.

Let me give you an example.

I was sitting in a coffee shop when I drafted this post. A handsome young men came in to do some reading with his friends.

He had lovely curly blond hair and a wicked smile. He walked like a wrestler with a light and strong stride. But his pants bagged down past his mid-thighs. His hoodie drooped to past the waistband of his pants.

He didn't look sexy or interesting. The clothing made his body look deformed and disproportionate. The low pants and long jacket combined to make his torso appear to be three fourths of his body and shortened his legs into stubs.

It made me worry if he had been malnourished as an infant. This is not what you want someone thinking about when they look at you.

My very first advice is PULL UP YOUR PANTS and TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT.

Yes, I know this makes me sound like a grumpy old geezer. But go back to the basic principle of clothing- to highlight your best features and to downplay what makes you feel insecure.

Pulling up your pants will make you legs look long and strong. It'll show off your rear end and your package (and these views are a potent force for good in this universe! And who doesn't want to be a hero?). And it will put your body into proportion.

Many men who have bellies believe that a long shirt hanging down will disguise that flesh. But, remember, it merely stumpifies your legs! The long shirt is also likely to ride up, revealing what you are trying to hide. If you tuck in your shirt, it will make you look more together, more dressed, and will highlight your better parts.

Never fear! I have many more opinions on male attire and how to draw appreciative eyes. More tomorrow!

Advice to men, from a romance writer.

I'm a romance writer. This means I am a student of interactions between people- especially interactions that involve sexual or romantic tension.

Basically, the above is a nice way to say that I  spend a lot of time watching men.

While I'm watching men, I study their body language, the way they talk, the way they move, and how they present themselves.*

If it is true that men think of sex every seven seconds,  they certainly do not dress in a way that invites the female to think sexy thoughts about them. And forget getting them interested to approach the guy!

When I've been out and about, I've seen far too many heterosexual couples out on a date where the lady has put on a flattering outfit, worn stylish jewelry and pretty shoes, and applied makeup, while the gentleman (and I'm using the term loosely here) looks like he has just finished mowing the lawn in his flip flops, droopy shorts, and baseball cap.

Let me tell you that under these circumstances, the ladies never displayed any preening behaviors, or exhibited attraction in her body language. None of them were impressed.

For the next few days, I will present a romance writer's guide to male style. After all, I want to use you as inspiration for a romance hero!

*(If you are a guy and you see an extra-curvy, middle-aged [yet glamorous] woman staring at you, then taking notes, square your shoulders, spread your legs a little and give me a wink. I promise I'll blush).

Writing exercises!

Every writer, pro or amateur, likes to play with ideas. Writing exercises such as writing to a timer, journaling, or engaging in microdescription (such as describing a single leaf on plant, etc.) can create huge amounts of joy and playfulness.

I found this writing exercise in my horoscope, of all places. Rob Breszny, author of the world's most delightful horoscopes, gave this as a prompt:

[An] exercise that's likely to energize you in just the right way is to picture yourself at age 77. I suggest you create a detailed vision of who you'll be at that time. See yourself drinking a cup of tea as you gaze out over a verdant valley on a sunny afternoon in June. What are you wearing? What kind of tea is it? What birds do you see? What are your favorite memories of the last 30 years?

Well! Who could resist such a delicious dream? Certainly not I! So I grabbed some paper and this is what I got.

I'm in the south of Spain, drinking peppermint tea with honey as I sit in a comfortable cushioned lounge chair. I'm wearing loose, cool pants and an ice-blue blouse that reveals my still magnificent bosom and nipped in waist. (Admitting my vanity is not comfortable for me. Oh, well. Might as well stay truthful, eh?)

I'm over looking the valley that leads to an open, golden beach below. The Charming Man and I are staying at a beautifully restored house with a lush, green garden. Hummingbirds and bees sing an early morning melody and share their amazing colors with the flowers and plants. The Charming Man is still asleep as I enjoy my tea and take notes for my next book.

I remember the first time I hit the Best Seller List. I enjoy knowing that I started scholarships for women who study history and that I support a non-profit that helps women start businesses.

I get up and do a few belly dance moves to express my happiness at reaching this moment in my life.

Now!

YOU tell me what you want to have happen when you are 77.

I can see clearly now, Part Four.

After my surgery, I spent the day sleeping, taking Vicodin, and listening to The Goon Show. Is there anything that Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, and Harry Secombe cannot make better? :)

When I was awake, I used my Prednisone drops once an hour. The drops kept my vision a little fuzzy, but kept my eyes feeling relaxed and soothed.

I tried to be back to normal by the next day, but, as usual, I expected myself to heal too fast. So the Charming Man drove me to Dr. Teplik's office for my day after check up. Everything was closing up just fine!

It took about four days for me to completely adapt to my new vision. I have far fewer headaches than I used to when I had my contacts. In addition, my vision is improved beyond what contacts or glasses used to provide. I'll be using the sterile tears for another two months, but they feel so good, it's not a problem.

By the time of my one week check up, I was completely up to speed, vision-wise. I still have some habits that are hard to break - I still say that I need to take my contacts out, and I still reach for my glasses when I go to bed at night.

Being able to see when I get up is utterly weird. But it is also utterly fantastic!

LASIK was absolutely one of the smartest things I've done. :)

I can see clearly now, Part Three.

I was as ready as I could be. I had filled the prescriptions I needed - antibiotic drops, Prednisone drops, sterile artificial tears, and a small amount of Vicodan.

Also, The Charming Man had arranged to work remotely. If you are going to get LASIK, you cannot drive yourself after the surgery. You might want someone to drive you for the next couple days after, too.

The day arrived! I was both thrilled and terrified by the unknown.The appointment itself was for two hours. The major part of it was taken with careful measuring and more eye tests - double and even triple checking the changes in my eyes.

My regular optometrist and I had decided on the monovision option - where one eye is corrected for distance  vision, and the other is corrected for close work. (Note for the ages: I love my monovision. I no longer need reading glasses!) If you chose this, be sure to tell your eye doctor to tell the surgeon what distance you want the correction to be at. I learned that several doctors forget to add this important information to the files.

After the tests, they gave me two tablets of Valium and took TCM and I to a relaxation room to let the sedative kick in.

I immediately fell asleep. :) When the nurse came in twenty minutes later, I could barely be bothered to get off the sofa.

Which means the actual surgery is a bit fuzzy in my memory. I have to say it was cool as hell, though.

Dr. Teplick was a complete rock star. The entire surgery took less than five minutes and he talked me through the entire thing. I felt completely comfortable and safe.

They taped my eyelashes down so I couldn't blink and applied a little suction to my eyeballs to make sure they were nice and prominent. This actually felt pretty cool. I thought I would hate it, but it was not a problem at all. The laser machine then flipped into place above me. My right eye got corrected first.

I saw some blinking red lights above me, then a steady red light. This was the laser cutting and reshaping the cornea. They repeated the pretty light show on my left eye, then. The Charming Man even got to watch the whole thing in a special viewing room. Awesome-sauce, indeed!

My eyesight was a little blurry from all the drops, but I could tell my vision was different. Then Dr. Teplik gave me some really cook Kareem Abdul Jabbar goggles to protect my eyes.

I had to wear them for the first twenty-four hours, then sleep in them for a week afterwards.  And they work great if I have to work with dusty things, too!

The Charming Man then gently led me to the car and took me home.

My next post will be about the after care and how I've been adapting since.

I can see clearly now, Part Two..

After I determined I wasn't going to deal with near sightedness anymore, I took the first steps to making it happen.

First, I had to talk to my optometrist. I had heard it couldn't correct astigmatism or other common defects. (True fact - it actually can fix most astigmatisms). When I went in for my usual appointment, I asked her to check my eyes for my suitability.

I was a go! Right there, I made an appointment with a surgeon, Dr. Teplik of Teplic Surgery. I am happy to report that Dr. T was in no way, shape, or form a money-grubbing knife jockey. Whew!

My consult included a number of extremely thorough eye exams, including a map of my eyes that showed the shape of my eyeballs and corneas. Dr. Teplik told me what surgery would entail - cutting open the cornea with a laser (no knives, therefore much cleaner healing). Also, no one had ever gone blind from LASIK. That was a huge relief!

Since I had worn hard and gas permeable lenses for so long, I had to wear my glasses for about five weeks for my eyes to relax back into a natural shape. If you wear soft lenses, this time period is much shorter.  This was the only part of the procedure that I didn't like. I felt fatigued all the time, and as my eyes adjusted, I would develop dreadful headaches. I spent a lot of time napping and grumbling.

A week before the surgery was scheduled, I had another checkup with Dr. Teplik and his super-awesome staff. More eye tests and mapping to determine if my corneas had stabilized enough.

They had! I could have surgery on my scheduled day.

Next time - surgery itself.

I can see clearly now, Part One.

I know this looks like a seductive gaze, but mostly I just couldn't see what was going on.

I've been asked to tell the story of my LASIK surgery. Here's the first part.

Ever since vision correction surgery became possible, I said I would never, never, ever do such a thing. I was happy with the correction that my contacts gave me and I didn't want some money grubbing knife jockey mucking about in my delicate eyes.

This was not some frivolous statement. I started wearing glasses around 1973 (second grade, if you must know) and got hard contacts in 1982. I *meant* it when I said, "No damn way in hell."

My Call to Adventure (remember that? It's the stimulus that takes a hero on her journey) was the oddest thought I'd ever had. I was washing my feet in the shower and I realized that I had no memory of ever seeing my feet in clear focus.

I knew I had to have seen my feet clearly at some point in my life. I was much shorter at one point, and my eyes had slowly degraded over the years. I had to have memories of what my feet looked like.

You know what pissed me off? That when women can't see their feet, they usually get a baby out of the deal. I was just freaking near sighted!

I wasn't about to live with this any longer. I didn't want to squint my life away. I didn't want to spend my days worrying about my contacts popping out.


I decided that I would investigate if I were a good candidate for eye surgery.

The joy of going to the library

I love checking books out from the library because that means I can test ride books that I otherwise would feel ambivalent about buying.

I picked up Thorn Queen by Richelle Mead, Book Two in the Dark Swan series.

I hadn't read any of her other books and picked up this one by chance. It's a good urban fantasy, complete with a love triangle, a morally compromised heroine torn between two legacies, betrayal, and some truly disturbing rape scenes.

I have mixed feelings about this book. It is very well written - fast-paced, complicated, great world building . She did a great job of telling me what happened in Book One so that I didn't feel left behind. The sex was hot, the men fascinating, the plot was twisty and dangerous.

I was highly disappointed by the climax, though.  Spoilers ahead, so stop reading here if you don't like that.

In Act Three, the heroine has been drugged, kidnapped, is held captive, and is repeatedly raped. (This is a very triggery section if you've dealt with rape or other kinds of sexual abuse). She rescues herself and the other captives (Yay!). The cavalry comes in the form of the two men vying for her affection and her step-father.

The rules in this world guarantee that the rapist cannot be brought to justice.  The men prevent her from killing her tormentor and argue between themselves about killing the criminal. Finally, one of her suitors shakes off the other men and kills the rapist.

This really annoyed me. Twenty five hundred years ago, Euripides wrote the play Medea.

Medea took her own revenge on her ex-husband Jason by murdering the woman he left her for, the girl's father, and the two children that she and Jason had together.This story is an unflinching look at women's capacity for finding her own justice.

The heroine in Thorn Queen had killed before. She was no innocent to be ruined by the shedding of blood. It would have been perfectly in character for her to engage in this final deed. I would have been fascinated to see the consequences of this act on her already compromised soul.

Why did the author shy away from letting the heroine decide the consequences  for the crimes committed to her own body? Why did a man have to act as her surrogate? Why did the men not understand her anger and hurt? What would be the price of becoming a Dark Queen?

These questions left me disappointed. I feel this was an amazing book that got frightened at the end. I look forward to seeing where Richelle Mead takes her books in the future.

Give-away!

Free, to the first commenter!

This one is called "On Fire"

Victory!

Armed with merely a pair of tweezers and a lighted make up mirror, I defeated the Leonid Brezhnev Memorial Uni-brow appearing on my face.

Hooray!

Do you know what movies today need?

More fencing, and by people who know how, filmed by directors bold enough to let the action speak for itself. No more rapid edits and shaky camera - let us see that you trust in your actors!

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly....

Writers gotta read. It's true! If you aren't reading, your writing will suffer. I once heard that a writer should read two words for every one written. I'm a greedy girl, so I go for four or five words for every one.

I've had the honor and privilege of meeting Jessa Slade on several occasions. She is intelligent, witty, and an incredible author.  I'm kicking myself for not buying her books the minute they came out, but I was able to buy her first three books and gobble them up. Now I'm stuck waiting on the fourth book. Damn! I hate to wait.




My review:

I LOVED these books. They are complicated, thought-provoking reads with excellent historical and theological research. The high stakes plot made sure I was never bored - I read all three of them in a day and a half.

Her characters have real strengths and weaknesses, the conflicts between the heroes and heroines show how love demands the best of us, and the sex! Damn, Jessa! Hot stuff all the way around.

I cannot recommend these books highly enough. Even though they are romance, they have massive crossover appeal. Sci-fi/fantasy readers and even the most macho of men would love these action packed, intelligent books.

Go! Read! Enjoy! Life is too short not to read this amazing author.

I can see!

The surgery was a success! I'm still recovering, so I can't use the computer or write on paper for very long, but I am able to get work done in ten minute increments.

For someone who just got lasers in her eyeballs, I feel pretty darn good. :)

AFK for a good reason...

as opposed to just not working on my blog. :)

Today I go in for LASIK corrective eye surgery. I'm not allowed to do any heavy visual lifting for at least a day, maybe two.

That means no movies, no computer, and NO READING!! I don't remember ever going a day without reading since I learned how.

I wonder if I'll get withdrawal symptoms....

FANGIRL SQUEE!

http://susiebright.blogs.com/I have a workshop with Susie Bright tonight!

*turning handsprings*

Men, women, and sex: It's not what you think it may be.

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Men, women, and sex: It's not quid pro quo.

A long time ago, my mother told me that men traded love in order to have sex and that women traded sex in order to have love. In other words, men will put up with cuddling and speaking gentle words as long as the woman allows him access to her vagina. Likewise, she will tolerate his thrusting for what she really wants - companionship and warmth.

My mother was a wise and generous woman.  Throughout her far too short life, she had given me a great deal of stellar advice. In this case, though, I intuitively knew this was complete bull-pucky.

This belief turns a lover's trailing caress into a transaction, bought and paid for. Not a shared pleasure, not in invitation to play or share, but an exchange best for a brothel.  I could feel it in my teenaged bones - if you treat your partner like a prostitute, it will lead to resentment, anger, and the death of something that once was joyful and a source of delight.

Quite frankly, a real prostitute gets more respect from the open exchange of money than anyone involved in the hostile exchange described above.

A brothel picture from Pompeii.

The nastiest part of that saying? It's an insidious belief, one that is not spoken of directly. Instead, it lurks in our unspoken assumptions, leading us into a starvation economy of affection, touch, and attention.

I want lovers to come to each other for pleasure, a sharing of passion and excitement.  I'm doing my best to destroy this pernicious saying.

And I want you to help me. Tell me what stereotypes about love and relationships you want to eliminate.

An army travels on its stomach.

Unfortunately, The U.S. Navy SEAL Guide to Fitness and Nutrition doesn't have any pictures of yummy men, but what an awesome resource for my straight arrow hero!

Since the Seals are a male-only force, the book is of limited use to women, but come on! How often do you get to read articles titled, "Nutritional Considerations for Endurance Activities"?  With tables named "Table 11-3. Typical Land Warfare"?

Many years ago, I read a monograph on the food needs of Alexander the Great's campaigns. I need to find it again and compare it to the statistics in here.

Dare to be Average, part two

"Ok, Ms. Smarty-Pants," I hear you saying, "How exactly does Dare to be Average work? If I don't push myself to succeed, I'd spend my time in slothful idleness, surrounded by clutter, and I'd never get anything done. This is what works for me."

Fair enough. Here's the scoop- I know exactly what you mean by "needing that motivation". Self castigation is a time-honored way of getting yourself off your duff.

The problem? Fear and self-loathing aren't effective long term motivators. A bit of self disgust might work now and again, but quite simply, it is not sustainable.

Calling yourself names (lazy, fat, disgusting, etc.) hurts more than it helps. I know that I work very poorly for a person who belittles, insults, and castigates me. In fact, I will actively avoid working for that person.

So why am I trying to motivate myself that way?

If I look at a project that I am resisting (like writing this blog post - I so did not want to do it), I realize that it is because I am using negative motivators. By thinking, "Fine. I will write an average blog post", I am freed. I can play, draft, and eventually post.

It's not a world shaking post, but it is here, it's done, and I got my point across. If I am for average as opposed to HEARTBREAKING, EARTHSHAKING, SUPER GENIUS, GUT-WRENCHING TRUTH, I have a much better chance of actually finishing something.

Next time you find yourself frozen with perfectionism, take a deep breath. Think, "Fine. Let's aim for average and see what happens."

I bet you'll surprise yourself.

The best writing advice I've gotten

I've been fortunate enough to receive some brilliant advice from a wide variety of sources. I hope to explore some of these A-ha! moments in the upcoming days.

The most important words I have are:

DARE TO BE AVERAGE!

I found this in (where else?) Feeling Good by David Burns

.

Most people write (or want to write) are perfectionists. If we don't write perfectly, then we are failures. If we don't sell a million copies, we are failures. 

You might have noticed that this doesn't lead to happy writing.What the heck? What have you got to lose? Perfectionism doesn't work, so why not try something new? You might feel awkward at first, but the liberation will stun you.

To quote:

For any activity, instead of aiming for 100 percent, aim for 80 percent, 60 percent, or 40 percent. then see how much you enjoy the activity and how productive you become. Dare to aim at being average! It takes courage, but you may amaze yourself! (p. 356)

By taking off the pressure to a staggering super genius, you and I can write with our own clear voice. Ideas become fun, instead of sources of anxiety. Mistakes become a game, not the end of the world.

Try it for a day, or even a week. Tell me what happens when you dare to be average! Do you feel less anxious, more productive, or did you have to face the fears that fueled perfectionism? 

Give-away!

A new fan for Spring! The camera read the color as blue, but it is actually a lovely deep purple with platinum colored embossing and black spokes. (I call it Maleficent after Disney's antagonist in Sleeping Beauty).

And the question for your sunshine-addled brains is:

What is the name of my heroine for my new story, Sister of God?

First to comment here wins!

My universe is constantly expanding.

There seems to be a stereotype that writers can only work in one genre for one audience, forever. We are amazed when a mystery writer attempts a foray into action-adventure. We applaud when Nora Roberts takes on the futuristic police procedural as J.D. Robb.

And one never, never crosses over from fiction to non-fiction.

Frankly, I don't do well with rules. I started off with non-fiction writing until I was hijacked by my wonderful Valerie, Lance, and John for Dracula's Secret. Sophia is running amok in my brain in Sister of God. But my passion for history is not letting me go.

There aren't a lot of American women who study Middle Eastern history. As a Western feminist who is familiar with various cultural mores, I have insight into the forces that create the image of Islam that Americans struggle with. I have things to say about how events in the 1600s still effect what everyone experiences now. As a fiction writer, I can say them in an interesting and vibrant way.

Someday, I'm sure I'll need to create a second blog for my history work and how that is going. I don't think many publishers want the author of a popular history posing in a cocktail dress with a wine glass. After all, serious writer r serious, you know. *makes serious face*

Of course, the field just might need an author who wears rhinestones. It certainly would make book talks more interesting....

I can't give up my beautiful boys and girls who search for love and passion while saving the world. I'm going to write them until I die. :)

I'm just going to add more excitement into my life. This is going to be fun!

Where the hell have you been? Part Two

The international news has been so very horrifying lately that I've had to turn inward. I had to find the place inside of me that knows that nothing lasts forever. Out of terror and fear, beauty and hope will always rise again.


I keep a picture of Winged Victory (Nike of Samothrace) by my desk as reminder.

I have found new inspiration.

Why, hello there, Guilherme Marchi, professional bull rider from Argentina!

Where the hell have you been?

I've had the marvelous Miss B as a guest this past week, and well....I certainly wasn't up for blogging. We were too busy roaming the Pacific Northwest in search of delicious pastry, excellent shopping, waterfalls, and bonding time.

And here's a picture of one place we went:

Voodoo Donuts' Cock and Balls Donut

These things are huge. And tasty.

Now for something completely different...

Belly Dance Flash Mob!!!

Location, location, location

I've started a brand new book. Tentatively titled Sister of God, the story takes place all over the Northern Hemisphere. The story starts in Seattle, moves to Las Vegas, then to Glastonbury, England, Paris, France, Budapest, Bucharest, and Istanbul.

The next few posts are going to discuss each of these locations and how I'm doing research to make sure I can bring each city to life.

As a teaser, here is an image of Doheny Street Synagogue in Budapest. This is one of the places my intrepid heroine and hero must go to prevent the end of the world.

This is going to be a fun ride!

Celebrating the masculine.

As another thank you to the wonderful men out there, here is a special two for one give-away.

May I present:

The Zombie Apocalypse, #2 and #3

Proudly display this sanguinary mess over your computer when you play Left for Dead!  Both fans go to the first commenter. For everyone else who comments, you will get a single fan for the Zombie Apocalypse!

Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Thank you to all the beautiful men out there who responded to me publicly and privately. Thank you for reminding me that hate will always lose. Thank you.

I am not the world's best dancer, but I am a very heartfelt one. Please accept this dance a symbol of my gratitude.

I am heartened and unafraid once again.

Men, stand up and be counted.

I am thoroughly depressed. Last night, I made the mistake of reading the YouTube comments on the Bond/M video for International Women's Day.

Feminist ONLY want equal rights in areas that suits them, any hardships that men go through they couldn't careless. We are evil only until they need our money sperm and (bodies) <--- in terms of men getting blown up on the battlefield on the front lines whilst they shop and have their "sex and the city" night out cackling like spoiled bitches!

Ridiculous! James Bond is one of the few remaining male and male characters on the big screen, do it dressed as a woman and emasculation in this way without doubt is part of the mammoth work of feminist social engineering, which has as its aim the destruction of male identity and the creation a super-feminine identity that should be, according to these feminist social engineers, the ruling class of the totalitarian future (the famous "World of Women" which is always talking about).

Women are so full of shit, they went from having no rights to trying to claim ALL the rights.

It had been a long time since I'd read so many hate-filled, misogynistic things from men. I'm usually pretty optimistic about the changes in the world. We've made huge strides in drawing attention to injustice and creating differences.

Instead, today, I am reminded that men hate women.  I look at my nearest and dearest and fear for my safety - could these loving, generous men secretly feel this way about me? Do they really want me to shut up, to not get an education, to never challenge their thoughts? I am terrified of what might happen if I speak up one too many times.

Once, I read a study. Researchers had asked men and women what they feared the most from the other.

Men feared a woman would laugh at them.

Women feared a man would kill them.

If you are a man, if you read this blog, reassure me. Tell me that not every man wants women to disappear, to not vote, to not have access to health care, to die if I disagree with them. Tell me that you find these comments as abhorrent as I do, that I am not alone, that I can look you in the eye and not fear what I see there.

Please.

Because I am afraid.

I'm afraid of you.

Story Basics Part IV: The Herald Archetype

I've written about big penises, Turkey, Muses, and International Woman's Day.  I figure now is a good time to get back on my subject of Archetypes and how they are used in literature.

When I think of the Herald, I think of the character Mountjoy in Henry V. Mountjoy is the carrier of news and challenges. His appearance means things are about to change, that a new energy is going to shake up the Hero's life. This archetype is so important that the God Mercury (Hermes in Greek mythology) was the Deity of messengers.

(I obviously have a weakness for the Herald archetype ;).

The Herald announces the need for change (also known as The Call to Adventure) and provides motivation. This role is not always filled by a person, but can be a wonderful character when it is, especially if the Herald is mixed in with another archetype. Often, the Herald is filled by inanimate objects; hurricanes and storms, a telegram, phone call, or television broadcast, perhaps a letter. Sometimes a Herald is negative, a message from the antagonist. The Herald can be also be positive or neutral.

International Women's Day.

More reason why Daniel Craig and Judi Dench should rule the world.

Time for noms.

I think I will bake cookies this evening.