Writing "Real" Sex.

 

 

In a recent interview, the magnificent director Erika Lust reminded people "that porn is exaggerated fiction, done by sex gladiators. You are not going to be able to do exactly the same as they are doing." Filmed sex can look uncomfortable - the bodies contorted for the best camera angle, heads and faces out of frame which cuts us off from the emotions of the scene.  If I'm going to watch a sex act, I want to see how much pleasure the people involved are having - not just genitals. 

I feel the goal of all arousing material isn't to make something that looks like sex, but something that reminds the reader/viewer on how sex feels. For example, I recently read a couple of books where a heterosexual couple had hot steamy sex against the wall. And oh, was it a yummy scene, let me tell you. The author captured the yearning, the desire, the absolute hunger those two had for each other. They simply couldn't wait to get into bed, they had to have each other NOW.

The author made me think about how sex feels, not how it looks. Because when I think about how heterosexual intercourse against a wall looks, I start worrying about the man's knees and if he will need a ice pack at the end (why yes, I have had a sex injury, why do you ask?).

In this upcoming series, I'm going to explore what we need to unlearn in order to create not just great sex on the page, but also in your heart.

Erika Lust's interview:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CQydxnoIwLh/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Have you met Bec McMaster?

 Let me introduce you to one of my favorite authors, the brilliant Bec McMaster. I met Bec at the Romance Writers of America conference in San Diego, then she graciously allowed me to hang with her at the Romance Writers of Australia conference in Melbourne in 2019. I'm nuts for her books...and I think you should be too.

Want to know a little bit about Bec? Here is my interview with her.

 

1.     Tell me a little about your writing - what are your favorite themes, what keeps you coming back to the page?

Hey Linda. I write epic fantasy romances with a dark and sexy twist, and I’m addicted to anti-heroes and villains-turned-heroes. I love trying to work out what makes such a hero tick, and anything with a marriage-of-convenience, enemies-to-lovers, villain-turned-hero trope is like catnip for me. Combined? Utter perfection. They’re the stories that pour out of me. 

2. Who are your writing influences? 

Ooh, interesting. I think a lot of my writing was influenced during my teen years when all I read was fantasy. I adored the strong female characters in Robin Hobb’s and Melanie Rawn’s books, but there was often something missing in the majority of fantasy that I read…. I binge read Katharine Kerr’s Deverry series for any glimpses of Rhodry and Jill, and I am still desperate to know about the ending of Melanie Rawn’s Ruins of Ambrai series for more Sarra/Collan moments. I cried buckets over the lack of HEA’s in fantasy (and basically rewrote the endings in my head). But it was probably me finding Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels series that really influenced me. 

Daemon Sadi, Lucivar Yaslana and Saetan Sa’Diablo? The sex appeal was off the charts, and combined with strong female characters like Surreal, I was in bliss. This. This was what I wanted more of. Unfortunately, paranormal romance and fantasy romance was still a ways off, so I had to start creating my own, but Anne Bishop was a massive formative influence. 

3. You just released Thief of Dreams (loved it!) in the Court of Dreams series.  What was the seed of inspiration for this amazing, creative series?

I’d been asked to write a novella for an anthology back in 2019, and I was watching The Bachelor, running ideas through my head, when some of the bachelorettes were playing games with each other. And I was thinking: Wouldn’t it be interesting if one of the bachelorettes was killing off the competition? I laughed under my breath, and then this fully fleshed idea dropped into my head. A fae prince. A bride summons. Competing fae princesses all desperate for his hand. Someone killing off her rivals. And my heroine, using the opportunity to sneak into his court to steal a powerful relic.
 
The cream on the cake? Zemira doesn’t WANT to capture Keir’s attention. So of course, he wants the one girl he can’t have. It was one of the most enjoyable stories I’ve ever written. 

4. What is the hardest part of creating? 

I read something just recently about how your brain always wants to go flirt with the shiny, new idea beckoning just out of distance, when no, you actually need to finish THIS book. Jennifer Probst likened writing a book to being in a marriage—it was a fun affair when it was a new idea, but now you actually have to put in the work, go through the nitty gritty, maybe work through the not-so-fun stuff…. And this really hit me, because I think all writers suffer a little bit from this. So for me, the hardest part is definitely forcing myself to focus on one WIP, and not go off cheating with one or three others. 

I tend to use it as a reward now. If I hit my daily word goal, then I can go delve into that shiny, new idea. 

5. What is the best advice you have ever received? 

This is life advice from my mum: If you hit a brick wall in your life, then you need to figure out a way to go through it, around it, over it, under it, but don’t let it stop you when you really want something. 

6. And what is the best compliment you have received? 

I had a woman email me to say that her mother was dying of stage four cancer, and while she was in the palliative ward, she read one of my books out loud to her mother. It was a way to escape what she was going through, a way to bond with her mother, to bring some moments of happiness (that HEA) into both their lives. That really hit me, because this is why I write fantasy romance. I want to provide an escape for my readers. I want to deliver that HEA at the end, so it puts a smile on their faces. 

4. Tell me some of your current projects- Your works in progress, ideas, or any crazy, off the wall things.

I’m currently working on book three of my Dark Court Rising series. It’s a fae twist on the Hades/Persephone myth, in which my heroine is bartered away by her mother to an enemy prince for three months as part of a peace treaty. Her mother wants her to kill him, but the more Vi sees of Thiago, the more she can’t help falling for him…. And of course, there is a lot more to the story that she doesn’t realize….

 

The Emotional Tool Box

In my last post, I talked about reaching into my emotional toolbox to help me get over my moments of STFU. Let's see what's inside.

The key that unlocks the chest says, "Your feelings are perfectly valid and legitimate. There is a logic and purpose to them." Doing this lets me open up, relax, and not try to macho through the hard stuff.

Inside, I check my diagnostic, HALT DISC. This is a mnemonic to ask myself, "Am I... "

Hungry?
Angry?
Lonely?
Tired?

Cold?
Sick?
In pain?
Dehydrated?

This information lets me know what I have to do for myself right now. I don't know about you, but I have a hard time working at all, let alone efficiently, when these factors are in play.

I'll share more from my toolbox, but those two are my hammer and flat-head screwdriver of coping.

What do you have in your emotional toolchest?


(This amazing tool chest belongs to Michael Capozzio of Classic Corvette Restorations in Chardon, Ohio)
 

This is my voice, my weapon of choice.

 

 

Anyone who has ever been told to be told to shut up (everyone) has moments when they are convinced.....

 

Wait. Strike that. Let's not get cutesy with the passive voice here. Let's just say things. 

 

A nasty voice lives in my head and it loves to tell me that I have nothing of worth to say. My throat literally tightens up. My words slog through mud to leave my mouth. 

 

Grace Jones says in the linked video, "This is my voice, my weapon of choice." 

 

Being silenced removes your first, best weapon against those who do not want you to challenge the status quo. The status quo doesn't have to be big things, either, like political reform or climate change. The status quo I am fighting today? Sending emails out to independent bookstores to see if they would like to carry my books. 

 

Seriously. Today I am convinced that I am better served not drawing attention to myself, that no bookstore would want to shelve me in their stock. I'm going to reach into my emotional toolbox and find every thing I can that will help me. I will resist that cruel voice that wants me to play small. 

 

Tell me a time when you resisted your cruel voice.