Living a Luscious Live: Avoiding Burnout.

 

Living a Luscious Live: Avoiding Burnout

 

Little luscious acts throughout the day can really ease you, therefore, easing your burnout. Some of my favorite things:

• Take one minute to sit and enjoy the sensation of rubbing lotion into your hands and elbows. Does your lotion have a scent? Does it please you? Give yourself a tiny hand massage.
• I love lying with my legs up. It helps reduce swelling and is super relaxing. My mother used to call that time, "The Miser's Vacation." Five minutes (if your body tolerates it) can even help back pain.
• Brush your hair, or if you are bald, rub your scalp. Ahhhhhh.
• Naps. :)

None of these things cost money and can be sneaked in during a busy day.



 

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Why another book about writing BDSM? Because the world needs your dreams, your thoughts, and your truths. The world needs us to be honest in our writing by painting the full panoply the human experience. All of us are curious about power dynamics, sensation, helplessness, and roleplaying and how they affect our characters’ lives. Writing leather sex gives both the author and the reader a safe place to explore these experiences.

My goal for this book is that you will be able to write kink enthusiastically, with a full, rich emotional life for your characters. Everything I’m about to talk about it to reduce your anxiety or stress so you write with greater joy and clarity. If at any time, if you feel overwhelmed or like these ideas are too much work, take a breath and remember that these ideas are to keep you from writing yourself into a corner or getting stuck.

I got nothing.

Today, I am dealing with one of the realities of the writing life - I have no idea what to say. Usually, I grab a piece of paper and hand write it out in a bizarre stream of consciousness rant. For example:

"Holy cow, I have no idea what to do day, I'm a big mess, my brain is empty, I gotta do something but I haven't a clue what, at least I've showered - Go me! What do I talk about? I want something emotionally truthful, something that encourage the people to follow their dreams of a better world. Something to combat despair and hopelessness."

While I'm casting about, I want to hear what YOU need. What makes you feel like you can smash the patriarchy? What kinds of books do you read when you need comfort and courage? How can I help you gather your energy to live your favorite life?

Let me know! We can't create a more just world all alone.
 

Cliches that gotta go, Part Four.

 Cliche: Telling us how sexy someone is.

 

 Show us how sensual a person is.

From American Photo, Nov/Dec 1993

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One day, I got ice cream with a male friend. Conversation lagged while we enjoyed our treat. 

 He closed his eyes and swirled his tongue around the scoop, licking and sucking at the cone. I nearly orgasmed from watching his mouth relish the smooth, cold, silky cream. He was entranced by the flavor and simply abandoned himself to the sensations. If I hadn't already been thoroughly besotted already, I would have fallen just from watching him get into the moment.

A few years later, I showed my book hero impressing my heroine by his firm, assured handling of her classic muscle car, a 1966 Ford Shelby. This car model boasts 350 horsepower and went from zero to sixty in 4.5 seconds. This is the kind of automobile that easily could be pushed and pushed hard. I almost had the hero gunning the engine, squealing the tires - basically pushing the ferocious engine to its limits. But wait.

I remembered how my friend’s un-selfconscious pleasure seduced me. I wanted my character to seduce the heroine by showing how he handled power, by showing that he had class, sensuality, and stamina. I wanted her to be intrigued by his ability to unleash this magnificent automobile's potential with a long smooth ride, not something rocky, jerky, and way too short.

Don't just describe your sexy person. Show us what about them turns on the observer.

Cliches that Gotta Go; Part Three.

Coercion?

Just don't.  

 

I completely stopped reading a famous author when I realized that her heroes constantly pushed and bullied their way into the heroine's body. *coughLoraLeighcough*

One of them refused to let her orgasm until she agreed to his cock in her ass (a pet peeve of mine, see Part Two of this series). One 'hero' repeatedly forced his sexual attentions on a heroine despite her concerns for maintaining her reputation/pregnancy/losing her autonomy. At no point did the hero address her emotional needs, preferring to shove his various body parts into her mouth and other locales of interest.

I left those books feeling violated, not aroused. Force isn't sexy.

When you are creating your erotic moment, remember that there is a huge difference between a seduction and coercion. Seducing is an invitation to pleasure and mutual joy. There is an element of play, of delight, of seeing who the other person is, and learning what works on this one in particular.

Coercion is about one person's "need" to get off. It also refuses to listen to the other's concerns and worries about the act of sex. If one person is worried about anything, then the partner had better address that. 

 Don't traumatize your readers or viewers. Invite them to play with you instead.

Sex Cliches that gotta go, part two.

Today, we are talking about:

 Spontaneous anal penetration.

 

You've read the scene a million times.  A penis owner wants in their partner's butt. By coercing and pressuring the bottom, the penis owner shoves that monster dick in. The receiving partner cries out in pain, but eventually is won over by the battering their rear is taking and orgasms and nearly passes out.

 

Come on. Let's be real. 

 

The rear end needs lots of extra love and preparation. If your characters aren't using lube, time, and barrier methods to get the ass ready to party, you are missing out on an incredible chance to show their vulnerabilities and motivation. Is your top wanting in the butt because it feels so tight around the penis? Or do they want in because they want their partner to feel incredible pleasure? Are these people here for trust or brutality? 

The warm up process for the ass is a worthy scene in and of itself. The goal is to send someone through the roof, and that makes for a brilliant, non-stereotyped sex scene.

Also, what is hotter than a partner whose agenda is one of mutual pleasure?  

Not much!

Sex Cliches that gotta go. Part One.

There are so many cliches in erotic materials. My next few posts are going to talk about which ones I want to see gone, gone, gone, and how to avoid them. I want your love scenes to be truthful, arousing, and to give others permission to express their desires.

Cliche #1:

 Simultaneous Orgasms (S.O.s)

Orgasming at the same moment of your partner(s) is really hot and really fun. It requires co-ordination, sensitivity to each other's arousal, and can bond the people together.

But do all of your sex scenes end in simultaneous orgasms? Each of the scenes in your work should have different levels of emotional and spiritual intimacy. An act of love that creates a simultaneous orgasms needs to create a deeper connection between the characters. An S.O. can happen at any time during the character arc. 

Just remember, that when you are writing intercourse or mutual masturbation, don't act like that the height of pleasure is cumming at the same time. When I'm reading, I want the ones involved to experience all of their erotic potential, from raw lust to tender eye contact. An S.O. should never be the only goal. 

Once you remove the onus of an S.O. from a scene, you can let the characters' individual turn-ons and fantasies guide you.This creates memorable and more truthful sexual arousal. Your reader or viewer won't get bored, and at no point, will anyone say, "I've seen *that* a million times."