Mental Heath in a time of pandemic: Part One

Amidst the reality of living in a pandemic, people need to take care of their mental health as well. Dr. Sister (psychology department chair for a small prestigious university) sent me the best advice I have seen.

These ideas are from the University of Illinois-Chicago Office of Applied Psychological Services.

The impact that COVID-19 is having on our health, finances, and daily life is enormous. We are currently experiencing an unprecedented pandemic that requires serious action and has led to a remarkable disruption to global society. Given all of these changes and general uncertainty, it is normal for people to feel anxious and overwhelmed with how to cope with these rapid changes, especially social isolation. Combining research, clinical work, and currently available resources, there are a number of things within our control that can help decrease anxiety and help us stay sane in a time of chaos. In short, I recommend that we stay structured, stay active, stay curious, stay connected, and stay grounded. We will get through this!

Stay Structured

We know from research that maintaining a daily schedule with clear, attainable goals helps people’s mood in general. It can be difficult to maintain the level of productivity that you had previously outside of the home, but you can still do things to help create structure.

-          Designate a work space in your living area. This can be as small as one side of the couch, and as large as a specific room. Make sure you are set up comfortably, and that work is easy to do in that space (e.g., there is an outlet, back support).

-          Maintain a daily calendar/planner with specific activities. Structure is effectively created when we have a specific, measurable, achievable goal for each hour of the “work day.” Part of a typical schedule is lunch and time for breaks, so be sure to schedule those things in to make sure productivity is maintained and there is some normalcy.

-          For those who are not currently working because your industry is not operational, use this time to beef up skills with webinars, polish resumes, or engage in chores that have been pushed to the side. Here is a link to 24 FREE online classes offer by Ivy League universities that can help anyone increase their knowledge & marketability https://www.themuse.com/advice/24-free-online-ivy-league-courses-you-can-sign-up-for-today-regardless-of-your-gpa.

-          Take stock of your accomplishments at the end of each day. Note the progress you’ve made and internalize the goals you have accomplished. No goal is too small to praise! This will also help you transition into relaxation time, which you have earned!

-          Continue to maintain good sleep hygiene. Separating your place of work and place of sleep are key (i.e., don’t do work in your bed). Maintain your typical wake & sleep routines to keep your sleep cycle on target. Try to continue going to bed around the same time and waking up around the same time to keep your typical rhythm. This will also help when you (eventually) transition back to typical work days.

Don't Surf in Sewage.

Hello, wonderful people!
 

Over the past month, the Romance Writers of America national organization has been imploding under the weight of hidden (and not so hidden) racism. I'm appalled on so many levels, I can't even. How could so many feminists screw up so many things? How could we betray our authors of color?

I needed a way to explain how this could happen. And it came to me.

In the 1950s and 1960s in California, businesses poured their waste into the ocean. The surfers said the waste was warm, so they would surf there instead of the colder but cleaner water. Their comfort was more important than their health.

Living in the patriarchy is like swimming in a wide river being filled with fecal matter all the time. Instead of actual feces, though, the disgusting elements include ideas of who is more important, whose experiences matter more, and the concept that “I got mine and I don’t care about you.”

The center of the river, where these ideas are the thickest, is deep, fast, and warm. The people there move quickly through society due to the current pushing them. They like being there because they are warm and ahead of everyone else. However, they are neck deep in raw sewage. The illnesses manifest as defensiveness, nasty jokes, cruel behavior to others, and refusal to contemplate anything beyond the status quo.

Some people there never notice, simply enjoying the delights of moving faster and having accumulated more than everyone else. To them, their behavior is normal. Occasionally, a friend points out that they are moving through a foul brew of disease. That perhaps, these behaviors and attitudes hurt other people.

This is what story-tellers know as the Call to Adventure.  People dig in their toes, at first, not wanting to leave the familiar warmth. But one cannot un-learn what one has learned. They take a step sidewise, toward the cleaner, colder water toward the shores. On those shores, people are playing Frisbee, having a picnic, laughing, dancing, and having more fun than everyone else.

It is difficult to move out of the river.  The cold is unsettling and frightening. There is always further to go.

But their health improves with every sideways step. Things smell better. The people there are ever so much nicer. And the view? Amazing.

Sometimes, the river takes a sudden drop or turn. People who thought they were out of the river discover that they have fallen back in. These slips are painful and embarrassing. All a person can do is stand up, apologize, and work their slow way back towards the shore.

You get to take the time to heal from the river’s poison. You get to scrub yourself off and learn new ways of moving, learning, and playing. The only thing you don’t get to do is stop trying.

My darlings, let's help each other clean up the sewage.  Let's share our best practices for combating racism and sexism. Let's help each other out.

Much love,
Linda

Melbourne, Australia, 2019

We saw the Terra Cotta Warriors.

I acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we have gathered on today. I pay my respects to the Elders past, present and emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions, the culture and hopes of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples across the nation.

Source: Welcome to Country & Acknowledgement of Country - Creative Spirits, retrieved from https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/spirituality/welcome-to-country-acknowledgement-of-country

I acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we have gathered on today. I pay my respects to the Elders past, present and emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions, the culture and hopes of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples across the nation.

Source: Welcome to Country & Acknowledgement of Country - Creative Spirits, retrieved from https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/spirituality/welcome-to-country-acknowledgement-of-country

 I acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we have gathered on today. I pay my respects to the Elders past, present and emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions, the culture and hopes of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples across the nation.

Source: Welcome to Country & Acknowledgement of Country - Creative Spirits, retrieved from https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/spirituality/welcome-to-country-acknowledgement-of-country

Before every event in Australia, they acknowledge the indigenous people of the country. I was nearly in tears after I heard it the first time. I find it appropriate for me to do this when I am showing things from Melbourne.

We visited the National Gallery of Victoria. Intertwined with the traditional art and grave goods, modern Chinese artist Cai Guo-Qiang's beautiful, gunpowder-painted pieces brought an even greater sense of wonder.

I acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we have gathered on today. I pay my respects to the Elders past, present and emerging, for they hold the memories, the traditions, the culture and hopes of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples across the nation.

Source: Welcome to Country & Acknowledgement of Country - Creative Spirits, retrieved from https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/spirituality/welcome-to-country-acknowledgement-of-country

Cai Guo-Qiang's enormous silks, painted with exploded gunpowder.

Grave Guardian.

A Horse Lamp from the exhibit, Designing Women.

The laneways and arcades of Melbourne are *amazing*.

Inside one of the laneways.

How could I not take this store's picture?

Speaks for itself.

The Great Ocean Road.

And another brilliant costume from RWAus.

No Guilty Pleasures

This morning, I woke, remembering the feel of an ex-lover’s skin under my lips. It was the thin, warm, tender skin of the crook of his neck. I could hear the sound of his panting and the way he fit between my legs. 

I wanted nothing more than to call him, to beg him to meet me in a lovely hotel for one more rendezvous. 

You know what? It was okay for me to feel this way. I didn’t need to feel guilty because I missed someone I had once (still) cared for deeply. 

One of the myths of a committed relationship is that you can never remember or dream of someone else. Your sexuality now belongs to your partner. 

It doesn’t. You get to have your lawless desires. You get to fantasize and orgasm from thinking of whom ever you want. 

(Need I say that desiring some one does not give you permission to be a jerk to your main squeeze?)

My delicious dream stayed with me. It brought great pleasure to my day to think on such sensuous activity. I had a glide in my stride and a dip in my hip, as Parliament/Funkadelic would say. Instead of beating myself up for my unconscious brain, thinking that perhaps I had inadvertently cheated on My Charming Man in my dreams, I allowed it to be a joy, a delight in the person who had been the focus of my passion. 

I refuse to feel guilty for any of my pleasures. I hope this gives you permission to savor your pleasures, too.  

Kisses, Tony Stark. Even now, you bring me great delight.

#MyFinal24 for Alexandra Franzen!

---

My friend Alexandra Franzen has written a new book - So This Is The End: a love story. 

The central question of the book is, "If you had just 24 hours to live, what would you do with your time?"

Of course, my brain went into overtime thinking of what I'd do for my final twenty-four.



1. The first thing I'd do is check on my legal documents. I want to make sure my loved ones have all the information they need to have a good life after I am gone.

2. I'd make love to the Charming Man. *hearts*

3. I'd write love notes to my friends and family so they would know how much they have meant to me. Heck, I'd write The One I Had To Say Goodbye To, just to let them know that they had made my life a better place.

4. I'd sneak a few love notes into the Charming Man's drawers and desk. Something to make him smile!

5. I'd make love to the Charming Man. (He better have taken his vitamins)

6. I'd put my money where my mouth is. I take a lump sum of money and just hand it out to people higgley-piggly. We all deserve a windfall. We all deserve some unexpected blessings. And I would want one of my final acts to be one that brought joy to the world.

7. Then I'd invite everyone I could over to my house and I would have a huge party. Lots of dancing, lots of crazy costumes, exquisite food, games, hugs, kisses, cuddles, and soulful talks. Maybe sneak in some lovemaking with the Charming Man. We would play all night long, because play feeds the body, mind, and soul.

Whew! That's a full 24 hours. What would be on your list?

It's okay to hide under the covers (or your desk) sometimes.

It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, at some point, you will freak out about your job (yes, even if it's a job you love). At some point, you will want to hide under your covers.


This is the story of how I learned to embrace my hiding urge.

I was having a crap day writing. Every ounce of self-confidence I had painstakingly built over the years drained out of me, leaving me shaken, sad, and very, very scared.

I sat in front of my computer, my arms wrapped around myself, and I was whispering, "I can't do this. I can't. I just want to hide under my desk and make this go away."

As you can imagine, this went on for quite some time.

Finally, a little calm voice in my brain said, "Well, go ahead. No one else is here. You can hide under your desk for a little while. Why not?"

Why not, indeed? So I did.

I slid off my chair, grabbed a soft blanket, and sat on the floor under my desk.

I'd never seen my office from this perspective.  The floor was actually clean (miracle!). The bottom of my desk made a nice little roof, protecting me from the sky that had been falling in my imagination. Almost immediately, my anxiety eased.

I don't know how long I sat there. I'm sure there is research showing that small spaces make us feel comforted, maybe something going back to our primitive hind-brains. All I know is that it stopped the flood of fear into my body and gave me a few moments of much needed peace.

That's when I realized that it is okay to look like a weirdo. It's okay to stop and protect yourself. And it's okay to hide once in a while.

Take a little break. Your brain and body will thank you.

And don't be afraid of looking like a weirdo.

Read this the next time you are desperately longing for encouragement:

Don’t let fear decide how you live, what you wear, what you say, or what you do.  Identify your fear, understand it and accept it, and move on.

Coco Graham

I believe reality is a marvelous joke staged for my edification and amusement, and everybody is working very hard to make me happy.

Terence McKenna

 

From Pure Joy springs all creation.

By Joy it is sustained, toward Joy it

proceeds and to Joy it returns.

From the Sanskrit.

How you can get out of your way and write already.

The Shanameh,the world's longest epic poem by a single author.

I meet many people who want to write. They yearn to express their thoughts, feelings, knowledge, and opinions. Yet, something holds them back. Here's a few ways to get out of your own way and write already.

1.  Keep it secret, keep it safe.  Too many of us show our work to the wrong people, too soon. When your work is in a beginning place, it is like a delicate seedling. It needs encouragement (sunshine), kindness (water), and the proper nutrition (feedback). Your first draft is not the right time to show it to that certain someone whose respect you have been wishing for.  At first, treat your writing and dreaming like a precious, radical secret. Later on, when you become a sturdy tree, you can open it up for more critical input.
2. Tell the truth. If someone had wanted you to write nice
   things about them, they would have behaved better. Naturally, change their details, change their names, change the planet, if you want, but those evil teachers, horrible bullies, and nasty parents are your characters. Use them.
3. Lower the stakes. Don't try to write a book that people will study for the ages (for some reason, men get caught up in this trap more than women). Focus on getting words on paper by any means you need, like hand writing, keyboarding, or by making something up on your Facebook page during your break time. Make it fun, make it whimsical, make it crude, if that is your personality type.
4. Fake yourself out. You don't need hours of uninterrupted time to write well. Set a timer for 9 or 13 or 20 minutes and write stuff down, even if it's, "I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say." 
5. Surround yourself with other writers, especially fun, generous, and enthusiastic ones. Look for people who believe that a rising tide lifts all boats, who care about your success, and believe in celebrating all milestones, especially rejections. Do I even need to say that you need to be one of these people, too?

And when you are ready, edit the hell out of that manuscript and publish it!

***

Come read my books!

Sex, Writing, and the Importance of Romance!

Come on over to Nicole Antoinette Armstrong's Podcast!

We talk about Sex, Writing, and the Importance of Romance!
https://www.nicoleantoinette.com/podcast/linda-mercury/

Yes, yes, yes! or The Re-release of Dracula's Secret!

I am thrilled to announce the re-release of my first book, Dracula's Secret.

Dracula's Secret is the first book in the Blood Wings Trilogy. I've revised it and I'm super pleased with it.

Buy Here!

What's sexy about men?

As a romance writer and healthy, red-blooded American woman, it is my fate, nay, my DUTY to identify what makes a guy yummy. Not just biological men, but trans men and every other man, too.

Eugene Jaques Bullard, a WWI pilot.

Of course, the whole 6-pack, big guns thing is super tasty, but I want to let men know that they can have a regular guy body and still rock that sex appeal.

1. Pride
Not the deadly sin sort, but the kind that lets another person know that you can overcome adversity and have learned competence. A competent man is a sexy man.

An unidentified Australian WWI soldier

2. Expressive eyes.
I love looking at this photo of this soldier. I see someone who would be willing to tell what he has lived through.





3. Forearms.

 

Yes, I know Jeremy Renner is not a normal sort of guy, but bear (bare! Bare arms! Ha!) with me.

Not every guy has big biceps. But forearms are the Every Man's sexy body part. You don't have to wear tee-shirts, just find a shirt with sleeves and roll those suckers up. It's a good look on *everyone*.



4. Bondage.
 Seriously. Every man looks good in bondage.


Or maybe that's just me....

Nah.