How do you chase your dreams?

Last week, I had the joy and privilege of watching my friend Delilah Marvelle take a major step in making her dream come true. Ever since going to culinary school, she has wanted to own a restaurant. And she reached a  point in her life where she could make it happen!

Delilah dressed to fit the part!

Sshe and her family purchased a building in Hillsboro, Oregon. Last week, she invited everyone to come down and watch the boring, ugly facade on the building to come down.

When I feel like I will never achieve my dreams, I'm always encouraged by others who are creating their best lives. How do YOU chance your dreams?

Every historical tea house needs historical gum and sweets.

What it looked like in the middle of everything.

This is going to be wicked cool when it is finished.

I finally wrote my newsletter!

And here is a snippet:

Hello, awesome people! I’m writing this, my very first newsletter, while I am on retreat. I had been stalling on writing newsletters. It was all the usual stuff – too busy, too stressed- but in reality, it was all about creating a time and place where I could believe in myself. Finally, I decided I needed to get away from my usual routine, pull back, and focus on just this.

I think everyone needs a chance to pull focus (movie term, yay!), revisit their goals and dreams, and see how they can make them happen. Topics can range from “how am I going to pay this month’s bills” to “how am I going to run this multi-million dollar business in an ethical manner?”

Retreats can range in extravagance from “I’ve got a raspberry popsicle and fifteen minutes to get this figured out” to “I’ve got a month on Richard Branson’s private island”. (If you are able to do that kind of retreat, please invite me.)

Since most of us don’t have *those* kinds of resources, here are some easy and cheap retreat ideas that I use.

1    Going to the library.

o   The local library is a perfect place for a completely free mini-retreat. You can sit down, spread out, and study a problem to your heart’s content.

o   You can find books, magazine, and electronic resources to help with your brainstorming. Some libraries even loan out things like sewing machines and games if you have a need of them.

o   Everyone you know can go to the library and find something to amuse, entertain, and inform them. This is no small thing when you have a bunch of energetic peeps to run herd on.

2  Headphones, your phone, and a long bus/train ride

o   Only slightly more expensive than going to the library is public transportation. I don’t recommend taking your laptop or a paper notebook while you are working on the bus – they are too easily stolen or lost.

o   Staring out the window can be wonderfully soothing and conducive to free-associating. Once, I had the joy of taking Amtrak from Portland, Oregon to Vancouver, BC. On the eight-hour trip, I had so many ideas and solutions that I filled my little travel notebook.

3  Sit in a swanky hotel’s lobby.

o   This is completely free and you get to work in beautiful surroundings with all sorts of cosmopolitan types wandering around. Good for people watching, too. If you are feeling extravagant, you can order a fancy beverage, too

Enjoy your retreat time to clear your brain and find joy in life again!

Recommended Links

Richard Branson’s private island: https://www.virginlimitededition.com/en/necker-island Very ooh-la-la.

Previous writing on Retreats

https://lindamercury.blogspot.com/2013/04/retreats-and-why-we-need-them.html , https://lindamercury.blogspot.com/2016/02/back-in-saddle.html https://lindamercury.blogspot.com/2016/12/self-care-retreats.html ).

I highly recommend going on retreat BEFORE getting sick or causing serious bodily damage

What did you like and what would you like to see more of? Let me know at

LindaMercuryRomance@gmail.com

Oh, and of course, you can buy my books at

https://amzn.to/2GRYlIe

A great loss.

Photos do the stained glass no justice. It was awe-inspiring.

The Notre Dame cathedral in Paris is burning as I write this. I had the privilege of visiting the cathedral several years ago. It was a life-changing event for me. 

The church and grounds shone with devotion to beauty, faith, and architecture. I experienced transcendence when I looked at the stained glass and wandered the cool, dark interior.

I'm not Catholic, but I lit a candle for my mother.

The famous entrance and flying buttresses.

Exterior Gardens.

Side chapels.

How to be more diverse in your writing.

We live in a big world full of lots of different kinds of people - over seven and a half billion as of May 2018. Writing a novel (or short story, or anything, really), requires the author to focus on a much smaller population.

It's super easy for writers in the United States to default to having an all white cast. So how do we overcome this habit?

By taking a look at the world's statistics! I consider using these numbers as a good set of training wheels to help you until you write diverse characters in a more natural, intuitive fashion.

I always start with my geography - where does my story take place? For example, if you set your work in the United States, the racial population estimates for 2018 are:

• 60.7% Caucasian alone
• 13% Black alone
• 18% Hispanic alone
• 5.8% Asian Alone
• 2.7% Biracial
• 1.5% Indigenous, including Hawaiian, Native American, and Pacific Islander

 When you are writing a story, take a glance at these numbers and go, "Oh, yeah. Let's not forget the rest of the population!" It's okay if it feels a little weird at first. I know that I'm not very good at things in the beginning. It'll become more relaxed quite quickly.

Is your book going to take place in an international setting? Take a look at the world population.

Chart shamelessly stolen from Science Chat Forum

If you don't write people from Asia (Chinese and subcontinental Indian, especially) wandering your setting, you are really missing a huge portion of the population. For example, when I traveled to Istanbul, I stuck out because I was tall. I was constantly afraid I would run into a petite Asian woman by accident. When I wrote about my characters being in Istanbul, I made sure to comment on how very diverse the city is. If I had pretended that there were no world travelers in the huge city, I would have been doing my readers a disservice.

Relax, observe, and write. You got this!

Okay. So you screwed up.

Maybe you accidentally said something racist or sexist. You hurt someone you never meant to hurt and you've been called on it.  (If you've done something mean or cruel on purpose, this blog post is not for you)

Now what? I know you want to defend yourself, to clarify that it was a mistake you don't usually make. So, here's a handy primer for when you messed up.

First things first. This is what you say:
"Wow, I screwed up. I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me and I will do better in the future."

And that's it. That's all you say. You stop talking, you don't defend yourself, you don't explain. Just take a break. Once you've calmed down from feeling bad and/or defensive, do some research. Look at the people who are taking the time to educate you.

Start with reading The Invisible Knapsack, especially if someone has said you are coming from a place of privilege. This essay carefully explains what exactly that means.

I've always seen privilege as a river of sewage running through our ideals of equality. People like walking in the middle of all that hate because it's warmer and the current can take you further. If you manage to escape the current and start walking to the beach, you start off feeling colder and slower at first. Then you realize how much better the world smells, and how much more fun you are having with all these neat people.

Of course, we all still slip up or fall into an unseen deep spot. When you apologize and step back, you give yourself to wash off the garbage and see what happened when you are more clear sighted.

(I do know that being able to step back is a privilege in and of itself.)

While you are researching and thinking, try to remember a time when you experienced true equality. I like to think of going to a George Clinton/Parliament concert. Even though I was queasy from all the pot smoke (I'm allergic), I got a glimpse of at what one nation under a groove could do. We all danced together - no self-segregation. Everyone was smiling at each other (the pot might have helped, but the music was what brought us together). I had NEVER seen everyone taking up equal space on the dance floor. This show was a harbinger of hope.

Lastly, when someone says they have experienced racism, the best way to make them feel better is to give them loving human contact. In a real way, they are grieving a lot, especially one of trust. Buy them some croissants (or whatever. You know what they like) and do something nice together.

In the end, the best way to keep combating racism is to be real and honest with each other.

No Guilty Pleasures

This morning, I woke, remembering the feel of an ex-lover’s skin under my lips. It was the thin, warm, tender skin of the crook of his neck. I could hear the sound of his panting and the way he fit between my legs. 

I wanted nothing more than to call him, to beg him to meet me in a lovely hotel for one more rendezvous. 

You know what? It was okay for me to feel this way. I didn’t need to feel guilty because I missed someone I had once (still) cared for deeply. 

One of the myths of a committed relationship is that you can never remember or dream of someone else. Your sexuality now belongs to your partner. 

It doesn’t. You get to have your lawless desires. You get to fantasize and orgasm from thinking of whom ever you want. 

(Need I say that desiring some one does not give you permission to be a jerk to your main squeeze?)

My delicious dream stayed with me. It brought great pleasure to my day to think on such sensuous activity. I had a glide in my stride and a dip in my hip, as Parliament/Funkadelic would say. Instead of beating myself up for my unconscious brain, thinking that perhaps I had inadvertently cheated on My Charming Man in my dreams, I allowed it to be a joy, a delight in the person who had been the focus of my passion. 

I refuse to feel guilty for any of my pleasures. I hope this gives you permission to savor your pleasures, too.  

Kisses, Tony Stark. Even now, you bring me great delight.