Advice to men, from a romance writer, Part Two

Let's dive right into the important task of helping a man entice the kind of attention he would like. We'll start with clothing.

The point of clothing is to highlight your body's attractive parts and downplay what you are uncomfortable with. Every since fashion magazine, blog, and clothing store beats women over the head with this truth. For some reason, this rarely gets translated into action for men.

Let me give you an example.

I was sitting in a coffee shop when I drafted this post. A handsome young men came in to do some reading with his friends.

He had lovely curly blond hair and a wicked smile. He walked like a wrestler with a light and strong stride. But his pants bagged down past his mid-thighs. His hoodie drooped to past the waistband of his pants.

He didn't look sexy or interesting. The clothing made his body look deformed and disproportionate. The low pants and long jacket combined to make his torso appear to be three fourths of his body and shortened his legs into stubs.

It made me worry if he had been malnourished as an infant. This is not what you want someone thinking about when they look at you.

My very first advice is PULL UP YOUR PANTS and TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT.

Yes, I know this makes me sound like a grumpy old geezer. But go back to the basic principle of clothing- to highlight your best features and to downplay what makes you feel insecure.

Pulling up your pants will make you legs look long and strong. It'll show off your rear end and your package (and these views are a potent force for good in this universe! And who doesn't want to be a hero?). And it will put your body into proportion.

Many men who have bellies believe that a long shirt hanging down will disguise that flesh. But, remember, it merely stumpifies your legs! The long shirt is also likely to ride up, revealing what you are trying to hide. If you tuck in your shirt, it will make you look more together, more dressed, and will highlight your better parts.

Never fear! I have many more opinions on male attire and how to draw appreciative eyes. More tomorrow!

Advice to men, from a romance writer.

I'm a romance writer. This means I am a student of interactions between people- especially interactions that involve sexual or romantic tension.

Basically, the above is a nice way to say that I  spend a lot of time watching men.

While I'm watching men, I study their body language, the way they talk, the way they move, and how they present themselves.*

If it is true that men think of sex every seven seconds,  they certainly do not dress in a way that invites the female to think sexy thoughts about them. And forget getting them interested to approach the guy!

When I've been out and about, I've seen far too many heterosexual couples out on a date where the lady has put on a flattering outfit, worn stylish jewelry and pretty shoes, and applied makeup, while the gentleman (and I'm using the term loosely here) looks like he has just finished mowing the lawn in his flip flops, droopy shorts, and baseball cap.

Let me tell you that under these circumstances, the ladies never displayed any preening behaviors, or exhibited attraction in her body language. None of them were impressed.

For the next few days, I will present a romance writer's guide to male style. After all, I want to use you as inspiration for a romance hero!

*(If you are a guy and you see an extra-curvy, middle-aged [yet glamorous] woman staring at you, then taking notes, square your shoulders, spread your legs a little and give me a wink. I promise I'll blush).

Writing exercises!

Every writer, pro or amateur, likes to play with ideas. Writing exercises such as writing to a timer, journaling, or engaging in microdescription (such as describing a single leaf on plant, etc.) can create huge amounts of joy and playfulness.

I found this writing exercise in my horoscope, of all places. Rob Breszny, author of the world's most delightful horoscopes, gave this as a prompt:

[An] exercise that's likely to energize you in just the right way is to picture yourself at age 77. I suggest you create a detailed vision of who you'll be at that time. See yourself drinking a cup of tea as you gaze out over a verdant valley on a sunny afternoon in June. What are you wearing? What kind of tea is it? What birds do you see? What are your favorite memories of the last 30 years?

Well! Who could resist such a delicious dream? Certainly not I! So I grabbed some paper and this is what I got.

I'm in the south of Spain, drinking peppermint tea with honey as I sit in a comfortable cushioned lounge chair. I'm wearing loose, cool pants and an ice-blue blouse that reveals my still magnificent bosom and nipped in waist. (Admitting my vanity is not comfortable for me. Oh, well. Might as well stay truthful, eh?)

I'm over looking the valley that leads to an open, golden beach below. The Charming Man and I are staying at a beautifully restored house with a lush, green garden. Hummingbirds and bees sing an early morning melody and share their amazing colors with the flowers and plants. The Charming Man is still asleep as I enjoy my tea and take notes for my next book.

I remember the first time I hit the Best Seller List. I enjoy knowing that I started scholarships for women who study history and that I support a non-profit that helps women start businesses.

I get up and do a few belly dance moves to express my happiness at reaching this moment in my life.

Now!

YOU tell me what you want to have happen when you are 77.

I can see clearly now, Part Four.

After my surgery, I spent the day sleeping, taking Vicodin, and listening to The Goon Show. Is there anything that Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, and Harry Secombe cannot make better? :)

When I was awake, I used my Prednisone drops once an hour. The drops kept my vision a little fuzzy, but kept my eyes feeling relaxed and soothed.

I tried to be back to normal by the next day, but, as usual, I expected myself to heal too fast. So the Charming Man drove me to Dr. Teplik's office for my day after check up. Everything was closing up just fine!

It took about four days for me to completely adapt to my new vision. I have far fewer headaches than I used to when I had my contacts. In addition, my vision is improved beyond what contacts or glasses used to provide. I'll be using the sterile tears for another two months, but they feel so good, it's not a problem.

By the time of my one week check up, I was completely up to speed, vision-wise. I still have some habits that are hard to break - I still say that I need to take my contacts out, and I still reach for my glasses when I go to bed at night.

Being able to see when I get up is utterly weird. But it is also utterly fantastic!

LASIK was absolutely one of the smartest things I've done. :)

I can see clearly now, Part Three.

I was as ready as I could be. I had filled the prescriptions I needed - antibiotic drops, Prednisone drops, sterile artificial tears, and a small amount of Vicodan.

Also, The Charming Man had arranged to work remotely. If you are going to get LASIK, you cannot drive yourself after the surgery. You might want someone to drive you for the next couple days after, too.

The day arrived! I was both thrilled and terrified by the unknown.The appointment itself was for two hours. The major part of it was taken with careful measuring and more eye tests - double and even triple checking the changes in my eyes.

My regular optometrist and I had decided on the monovision option - where one eye is corrected for distance  vision, and the other is corrected for close work. (Note for the ages: I love my monovision. I no longer need reading glasses!) If you chose this, be sure to tell your eye doctor to tell the surgeon what distance you want the correction to be at. I learned that several doctors forget to add this important information to the files.

After the tests, they gave me two tablets of Valium and took TCM and I to a relaxation room to let the sedative kick in.

I immediately fell asleep. :) When the nurse came in twenty minutes later, I could barely be bothered to get off the sofa.

Which means the actual surgery is a bit fuzzy in my memory. I have to say it was cool as hell, though.

Dr. Teplick was a complete rock star. The entire surgery took less than five minutes and he talked me through the entire thing. I felt completely comfortable and safe.

They taped my eyelashes down so I couldn't blink and applied a little suction to my eyeballs to make sure they were nice and prominent. This actually felt pretty cool. I thought I would hate it, but it was not a problem at all. The laser machine then flipped into place above me. My right eye got corrected first.

I saw some blinking red lights above me, then a steady red light. This was the laser cutting and reshaping the cornea. They repeated the pretty light show on my left eye, then. The Charming Man even got to watch the whole thing in a special viewing room. Awesome-sauce, indeed!

My eyesight was a little blurry from all the drops, but I could tell my vision was different. Then Dr. Teplik gave me some really cook Kareem Abdul Jabbar goggles to protect my eyes.

I had to wear them for the first twenty-four hours, then sleep in them for a week afterwards.  And they work great if I have to work with dusty things, too!

The Charming Man then gently led me to the car and took me home.

My next post will be about the after care and how I've been adapting since.

I can see clearly now, Part Two..

After I determined I wasn't going to deal with near sightedness anymore, I took the first steps to making it happen.

First, I had to talk to my optometrist. I had heard it couldn't correct astigmatism or other common defects. (True fact - it actually can fix most astigmatisms). When I went in for my usual appointment, I asked her to check my eyes for my suitability.

I was a go! Right there, I made an appointment with a surgeon, Dr. Teplik of Teplic Surgery. I am happy to report that Dr. T was in no way, shape, or form a money-grubbing knife jockey. Whew!

My consult included a number of extremely thorough eye exams, including a map of my eyes that showed the shape of my eyeballs and corneas. Dr. Teplik told me what surgery would entail - cutting open the cornea with a laser (no knives, therefore much cleaner healing). Also, no one had ever gone blind from LASIK. That was a huge relief!

Since I had worn hard and gas permeable lenses for so long, I had to wear my glasses for about five weeks for my eyes to relax back into a natural shape. If you wear soft lenses, this time period is much shorter.  This was the only part of the procedure that I didn't like. I felt fatigued all the time, and as my eyes adjusted, I would develop dreadful headaches. I spent a lot of time napping and grumbling.

A week before the surgery was scheduled, I had another checkup with Dr. Teplik and his super-awesome staff. More eye tests and mapping to determine if my corneas had stabilized enough.

They had! I could have surgery on my scheduled day.

Next time - surgery itself.