Coping with crippling self doubt

I post about self-doubt and fell prey to it. Damn it!

I might as well post some emotional tools to deal with this insidious, hissing critic voice.

The best cure for self-doubt is not to macho it out or to force yourself to do what you 'should' do. I've said it again, and I'll say it over and over until I get it - no one works well with someone screaming hateful words in their ears. The best motivator is kindness.

Instead of trying to overcome the enemy by yourself, call in the reinforcements. Who thinks you rock? Who thinks you are gonna make it and make it big?  Who in your life sees the very best of you?

In short, who thinks you are the best things since four wheel brakes?

If you don't feel safe with any of the people around you, make some imaginary friends. They don't mean you are crazy, it means you are surviving until you find a better place. Think of a no-nonsense but kind coach, a wise older mentor, the perfect grandparent, a character in a movie, *anyone* who can access your best interests.

Once you are past the panic/crisis phase, you can use your self-doubt as a compass to point you in the right direction. Imagine yourself in a safe, comfortable place. Think of your self doubt and ask it, "What is it you really want? What is all this about?"

Nearly always, I get a useful answer. It might want me to work on my pacing in my writing. It might want me to demand better treatment from a situation or person who is making me feel that unease. It has even pointed out that I need more sleep, better food, and a whole lot more fun!

Sometimes I don't have enough mojo to even get the call for help out. Then I reach for this book:

It's very practical and specific, unlike many self-help books. If you are stuck in your sad place, it can be a great assistance to find your fine, sweet self again.

Crippling self doubt

Self-doubt attacks everyone in the world. My experience is just like yours.

It starts with unease around your creativity.

Something in your world is not right. It might be a big crisis such as a death in your family, an ecological disaster, joblessness or divorce, and the ensuing poverty of these tragedies.

Your crisis is smaller and subtler, but it still cripples you. Perhaps everyone around you is suffering and there is nothing you can do to help them. Maybe your sleep schedule gets mucked up, or you experience a shift in your intimated relationships.

Trying to be productive under these circumstances *hurts*. And since people rightly avoid what is painful, they go to step two - procrastination. 

After all, what is the good of something as frivolous as writing your little shameful romance stories when the world is exploding?

Putting off your dream can lead to panic and second guessing.

Did you make the right decision to set aside the stuff that brings out the best of you? Shouldn't you be able to keep working no matter what? All you have to do is "force yourself to do it".

This panic churns your stomach, makes your sleep worse. I can tell you from personal experience that sleep deprivation is an untold horror. In a particularly bad part of my life, I experienced both olfactory and auditory hallucinations. My heart didn't stop racing, and I was constantly nauseated from the lack of sleep. Yet, through it all, I constantly demanded that I keep up my work schedule.

This leads to despair, that tar pit of sorrow.  You can barely leave your rooms. Despair drags at your limbs, saps you of vitality. You try to do something, anything, but you feel like you are wading through cold molasses.

It's very easy to lose all hope. In Part Two, I'm going to throw you some rope so we can pull each other out of these energy sucking cycles.

My writing rituals, part three

My

Public Library

My last two rituals encourage silliness and concentration.

I love to listen to music while I write. Anything from classical to blues to rock to pop, I’m there.  Music distracts my critic voice and allows me to get my butt in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard.

I can create words and not worry if they are trite or cliché or just plain stupid. The beat also encourages me to wiggle about, get up and dance, look up and away from my computer. Getting up and shaking your rear to The Archie’s will solve just about any writing problem you can come up with. Stuck? Wrote yourself into a corner? Not hearing your characters? Get up and do The Monkey and you’ll find the answer.

Yes, I mean it.

My very last ritual is the most traditional one of all. I like to write at the library. All the books surrounding me remind me that publication is possible! All the people working helps me focus on my own work. The giant windows that overlook the duck ponds let in plenty of light and create a peaceful atmosphere. I can put on my headphones, rock out, and work uninterrupted by thoughts of housework, personal anxieties, or non-writing tasks.

Exercise plus peaceful concentration plus silly equals writing that will move your readers.

Write on!

My writing rituals, part two

My second ritual is keeping a journal.

I used to do the Daily Pages suggested by Julia Cameron in her wonderful book, The Artist’s Way. 

However, I soon found that I spent the entire time chronicling my chronic pain problems. I mean, really? Who wants to spend all their time thinking about how much everything hurts? It just made me more depressed.  That’s why I work out first.

After I eat my breakfast and check on the day’s news, I access my mystical creativity place by clearing out what is rummaging around in my brain. I write down all my emotions, what I have been doing, my insights, and my worries. Once those are out of my mind, I brainstorm and list what I will work on this day.

Journaling is almost always in long hand. Something about the way I shape my letters stimulates the visual center of my brain. Description is not my strength, so this loosens me up for putting in the setting for my stories.

Otherwise, my readers (and I!) have no idea where things are taking place, and that’s just no fun.

My writing rituals, part one

“Every writer needs a dog to teach her fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before she lies down.”

When I think about my writing rituals, I always mangle this quote from Roger Caras. Every writer has a ritual, a way of telling her brain that now is the time to take the ideas that swirl around and put them in a concrete form. Some of us need silence. Some need music or tea or food or warm hands. The truth is that rituals do not guarantee a good day’s writing, but they certainly up the odds in your favor. And what writer can afford to muck up her odds?

I have a couple of rituals that helps my productivity.

My truly important ritual is exercise. Physical self-care is always the first thing of my day. I roll out of bed, put on my sweats, and take my curvy backside to the gym. A bizarre combination of walking, lifting, physical therapy, belly dancing, and relaxation (not all at once) keeps me from falling into a rut.

Exercise gives me the stamina to sit at my desk and it unlocks my brain. Some of my most creative solutions have come to me during my endless laps around the track. The other regulars at the gym have frequently seen me scribbling madly on a piece of paper towel with a golf pencil. 

Hey, I'm a writer. I'm immune to embarrassment and I have no fear of looking like an idiot.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Four

At the PRO retreat, Cherry Adair (Mentor of the Year) shared some statistics to help us stay brave.

80% of all Americans say they want to write a book.

Of that 80%, 2% of them start a book.

Of that 2%, 5% actually finish the book.

So, if you want to write, go for the fences. Do it! Define your success, make friends, and keep writing!