Crippling self doubt

Self-doubt attacks everyone in the world. My experience is just like yours.

It starts with unease around your creativity.

Something in your world is not right. It might be a big crisis such as a death in your family, an ecological disaster, joblessness or divorce, and the ensuing poverty of these tragedies.

Your crisis is smaller and subtler, but it still cripples you. Perhaps everyone around you is suffering and there is nothing you can do to help them. Maybe your sleep schedule gets mucked up, or you experience a shift in your intimated relationships.

Trying to be productive under these circumstances *hurts*. And since people rightly avoid what is painful, they go to step two - procrastination. 

After all, what is the good of something as frivolous as writing your little shameful romance stories when the world is exploding?

Putting off your dream can lead to panic and second guessing.

Did you make the right decision to set aside the stuff that brings out the best of you? Shouldn't you be able to keep working no matter what? All you have to do is "force yourself to do it".

This panic churns your stomach, makes your sleep worse. I can tell you from personal experience that sleep deprivation is an untold horror. In a particularly bad part of my life, I experienced both olfactory and auditory hallucinations. My heart didn't stop racing, and I was constantly nauseated from the lack of sleep. Yet, through it all, I constantly demanded that I keep up my work schedule.

This leads to despair, that tar pit of sorrow.  You can barely leave your rooms. Despair drags at your limbs, saps you of vitality. You try to do something, anything, but you feel like you are wading through cold molasses.

It's very easy to lose all hope. In Part Two, I'm going to throw you some rope so we can pull each other out of these energy sucking cycles.

My writing rituals, part three

My

Public Library

My last two rituals encourage silliness and concentration.

I love to listen to music while I write. Anything from classical to blues to rock to pop, I’m there.  Music distracts my critic voice and allows me to get my butt in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard.

I can create words and not worry if they are trite or cliché or just plain stupid. The beat also encourages me to wiggle about, get up and dance, look up and away from my computer. Getting up and shaking your rear to The Archie’s will solve just about any writing problem you can come up with. Stuck? Wrote yourself into a corner? Not hearing your characters? Get up and do The Monkey and you’ll find the answer.

Yes, I mean it.

My very last ritual is the most traditional one of all. I like to write at the library. All the books surrounding me remind me that publication is possible! All the people working helps me focus on my own work. The giant windows that overlook the duck ponds let in plenty of light and create a peaceful atmosphere. I can put on my headphones, rock out, and work uninterrupted by thoughts of housework, personal anxieties, or non-writing tasks.

Exercise plus peaceful concentration plus silly equals writing that will move your readers.

Write on!

My writing rituals, part two

My second ritual is keeping a journal.

I used to do the Daily Pages suggested by Julia Cameron in her wonderful book, The Artist’s Way. 

However, I soon found that I spent the entire time chronicling my chronic pain problems. I mean, really? Who wants to spend all their time thinking about how much everything hurts? It just made me more depressed.  That’s why I work out first.

After I eat my breakfast and check on the day’s news, I access my mystical creativity place by clearing out what is rummaging around in my brain. I write down all my emotions, what I have been doing, my insights, and my worries. Once those are out of my mind, I brainstorm and list what I will work on this day.

Journaling is almost always in long hand. Something about the way I shape my letters stimulates the visual center of my brain. Description is not my strength, so this loosens me up for putting in the setting for my stories.

Otherwise, my readers (and I!) have no idea where things are taking place, and that’s just no fun.

My writing rituals, part one

“Every writer needs a dog to teach her fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before she lies down.”

When I think about my writing rituals, I always mangle this quote from Roger Caras. Every writer has a ritual, a way of telling her brain that now is the time to take the ideas that swirl around and put them in a concrete form. Some of us need silence. Some need music or tea or food or warm hands. The truth is that rituals do not guarantee a good day’s writing, but they certainly up the odds in your favor. And what writer can afford to muck up her odds?

I have a couple of rituals that helps my productivity.

My truly important ritual is exercise. Physical self-care is always the first thing of my day. I roll out of bed, put on my sweats, and take my curvy backside to the gym. A bizarre combination of walking, lifting, physical therapy, belly dancing, and relaxation (not all at once) keeps me from falling into a rut.

Exercise gives me the stamina to sit at my desk and it unlocks my brain. Some of my most creative solutions have come to me during my endless laps around the track. The other regulars at the gym have frequently seen me scribbling madly on a piece of paper towel with a golf pencil. 

Hey, I'm a writer. I'm immune to embarrassment and I have no fear of looking like an idiot.

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Four

At the PRO retreat, Cherry Adair (Mentor of the Year) shared some statistics to help us stay brave.

80% of all Americans say they want to write a book.

Of that 80%, 2% of them start a book.

Of that 2%, 5% actually finish the book.

So, if you want to write, go for the fences. Do it! Define your success, make friends, and keep writing!

Where I was, what I was doing, Part Three.

Carolyn Pittis (see previous post) also drove the Clue Bus through our writer's brains. She shared the things writers must focus on in order to create and produce in ways that makes us happy.

1. WRITE. Always, always keep your eye on your work. If you don't write, this list won't mean anything.
2. Decide on what is your measure of success. Being self-sufficient? Getting published at least once? Having a group of fellow writers around so you can enjoy all those good stories? You decide on your success, not anyone else. 
3. Figure out your business plans. This doesn't have to be a big, scary deal - when I first tried to write a business plan, I stopped after three sentences and had a big glass of wine instead. Instead, frame the idea as a way to understand your definition of success. Do you understand how other players win? What do you have to offer in your product? Who are the best partners for you to achieve that success you want? What is the best way to inform yourself as to the economics of your business?

Think about these ideas. How many books a year do you want to write? What kinds of support do you need to achieve these goals?

Support is something writers and other artists don't talk about much; but we need people who encourage our brave hearts. We take risks, we try new things, we test social mores. This can be exhausting and frightening.

So think about what helps you put your Butt in Chair and Fingers on Keyboard. Do you need pep talks? Brainstorming friends? Someone to help you write query letters?

In the end, all of these ideas and questions lead back to the most important Clue that Carolyn gave us - always keep writing.