The Pleasure Center: A little schoolteacher smut for your day.

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Vlogging It Up!

Can I tempt you with my latest book, Vamping It Up? It makes an excellent summer read. :)

Warning - naughty language!

Perhaps you need a second helping?

Go HERE if the video doesn't work.

Women Entrepreneurs: Alexandra Franzen

Alexandra

Is it possible to *not* have a huge girl crush Alexandra Franzen? She is my favorite blogger, inspiration, and all around strong, brave, fab gal. And she graciously agreed to be interviewed, too. Can life get much better?

And here is Alexandra!

Alexandra with Joanna Powell Colbert. Awesome babes!

1. What is the name of your business and what do you tell other people you do? (such as author, teacher, designer)

I'm a self-employed writer.

People hire me to write books, blog posts, newsletters, video scripts, keynote talks, educational materials, and things like that. You could call me a "ghostwriter." That's probably the most accurate label for what I do!

Most of my clients are in the health / wellness / personal development realm, which is swell, because I'm completely fascinated by human transformation, goal-setting, motivation, psychology, fitness, and all that jazz.

I also have my own personal (i.e., non-client-related) writing projects, like my blog, advice column, books, and whatnot.

Basically: I play with words and somehow... I've finagled a way to make it my full-time job. I'm a fortunate gal.

2.     How long have you been self-employed? What convinced you to become an entrepreneur?

I've been self-employed (in a full-time capacity) for just over 5 years.

I became self-employed because I really didn't have a choice. I was so desperately miserable working at a 9-to-5 job in a cubicle. It got to the point where I was sobbing in the bathroom, sick to my stomach, just completely out of whack. I knew if I remained in that kind of career, I would just... fall apart. I had to leave, for my health and sanity. So I made the leap. That was that.


3.     Entrepreneurs rarely stay in one place. How many careers have you had?

I started my career working in public broadcasting.

I had mixed-bag, hybrid position that sorta spanned "admin assistant / project manager / promotional ad writer / occasional producer." 

During that time, I also dabbled around doing various kinds of freelance writing as a "side gig," on top of my full time job.

Technical writing, resume writing, cover letter writing, copywriting, ghostwriting, little of this, little of that.

I had to try a "sampler platter" of writing gigs before I figured out my strengths and passions. The trial and error continues to this day!

But trying new stuff is great. I love the continual evolution of my life, career, and body of work. I mean, who wants to do the same exact thing 365 days a year, forever?

4.     What are some of the aspects of your current job that people don’t see? For example, most people don’t understand how much marketing is done by the authors themselves instead of a publisher.

Hmmm... people generally don't see my behind-the-scenes, working-at-home outfits, which mostly consist of kimono robes or a tank top with no pants! Haha.


5.     Who and what inspires you on those inevitable rough days?

My mom and dad.

RuPaul.

My friends, both online and offline.

Ultra-disciplined, amazing people that I've met in the fitness world. (I looooove female bodybuilders. So inspiring.)

GREAT MUSIC! Music uplifts me like nothing else. I am obsessed with Spotify and I build new playlists all the time.

6.     Name a few of your current projects. For example, conferences, publicity, design process, what you have for sale.

I am currently finishing up my first sci-fi novel! A total passion project. It's called So This Is The End.

I have a couple of other e-books and print books in my Shop, including my debut novel, Milk & Honey, which is very smutty. A good summer beach read!

Aside from that, I have a neat e-course called Unstoppable, which is for anyone who struggles to find the time, energy and inspiration to write consistently. It's got recordings plus written lessons, writing prompts, all kinds of good stuff to help you get un-blocked and get the words flowing.


7.     What are your recommendations for women who are interested in pursuing self-employment?

If you want to pursue self-employment, think of it like training for a marathon, getting married or committing to a life partner, or giving a blow job.

You need to be really devoted, really passionate, and really enthusiastic! Or it's gonna suck! And not in a good way! Ha!

If you're just sorta "half-committed," but not one hundred percent "into it," it's going to be a bummer for you & for your clients and customers, too.

ALL IN, total devotion, or don't bother.

For Dr. Dad: The story about clowns.

Dr. Dad loves to suggest that I use clowns in my writing. The thing is, I tried

My beautiful late mother

once, back when I thought I would be the next Jayne Ann Krentz (witty, snappy dialogue, nifty corporate espionage plots).

Unfortunately, I was really, really bad at it. I was obsessed with the standard "rich&handsome executive meets regular gal" plot. I had no idea how conflict worked. I was sadly addicted to adverbs. But to prove that I tried, here's the first page of this not-really-funny story that I called, "Funny."

***

“Oh, heavens, it feels good to take off my nose.”

David Exings stopped dead in the doorway of his office.  He still had to be on the plane and dreaming – that was the only explanation of this surreality. There was a pair of huge green and white shoes by his sofa, a bright green puff actually on the sofa, and garishly colored clothing strewn over the floor of his office. The bathroom door was open and the light was on.

“Hello?”

“Uhhh, hi.” The woman’s voice was rich but just as confused as he was. That was nice, he thought. He didn’t like to be alone in his confusion. “Who’s there?” she continued. 

 “David Exings.”

“Oh, dear.” A pause. “Um, Mr. Exings, could you hand me that black leather bag that’s by the sofa? I’ll change and take off my face and be right out of here.”

Your author and Dr. Sister in their misspent youth.

“Ah.” What did that mean? “Certainly. Here it is.” He found the bag (oddly restrained compared to the rest of the office) and handed it around the corner. A woman’s hand reached around the corner of the bathroom door and snatched the bag. Her voice came to him, over the sound of running water. 

“I’m terribly, terribly sorry to be using your bathroom, Mr. Exings, but you weren’t expected back until tomorrow  - I even double checked your flight.  I was just cleaning myself up after the picnic.  And I know that the manual says it is ok to use the bathroom for events, but most of us don’t use it. I hope you understand. ” She sounded nervous.

Ah. Today was the day of the company picnic and he had missed it.  He was supposed to be there for his niece, but had been trapped due to the bad weather in Chicago and had been delayed two days. Since it was so late and his niece would be in bed anyway, he came by the office first to drop off his paperwork and interrupted an entertainer, obviously.  A clown, he deduced, from the shoes.    

David cleared his throat. “Really, it is not a problem. It is certainly all right for you to use the bathroom. I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage, Miss…”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”  A woman popped out of the bathroom, her scrubbed face shining and her long brown hair slicked back wetly.  She wore jeans and a T-shirt with The Phantom on it. “I apologize for my appearance.” She held out her hand. “I’m Natalie Clare. I’m the consultant you hired to be the acting head of security for your computing division.  I was the clown for the company picnic.” 

David smiled internally, grateful his logic was still working.   

“Once everyone found out this was how I earned my way through college, they were ruthless about getting me to do this.”  He gravely shook her hand and looked her up and down. He was charmed by her silver toenails and green toe ring. She even had a delicate chain leading from the toe ring to an anklet.

She flushed under his scrutiny and pushed at her hair. “I’ll be right out of here.” She turned to pack up her costume. David discovered that the green puff was a wig, and the shoes were much more substantial that he had imagined.  

She was pretty, David noticed, startled. As she stuffed a pouch filled with brightly colored, empty balloons into her bag, he finally spoke again. 

“Miss Clare?”

“Yes?” She turned around, a resigned look on her face.

“How did my niece enjoy the party?”

Natalie smiled with remembered pleasure and some relief. “She had a very good time.  She was disappointed that you couldn’t make it, so I sent some extra balloons home with her for you.  I hope you like teddy bears. She said you would like those best.” Natalie started putting the balloons in her pack, and then glanced up. “She’s a charming child, Mr. Exings. You are doing a fine job.”  

“Would you be willing to make something for her from me? I was disappointed as well. I would have far preferred to be here than stuck in O’Hare for two days.”

“Why certainly, Mr. Exings.” She looked at her bag of balloons, considering. “How long until you see her?” 

“I’ll see her at breakfast tomorrow.”

“Ah, then we will need something sturdy. How does a turtle sound?”

“That sounds fine.”

Natalie selected a green balloon and blew it up a short way.  Her swift movements fascinated David as she tied it off, and began twisting.  She pulled a marker out of her bag, and, in a few economical strokes, put a smiling turtle face on the balloon. “Here you go.”

He considered the little happy face seriously. “Thank you, Miss Clare.”

***

At least I tried, Dr. Dad. :)

Women Entrepreneurs: Natasha Lakos

Natasha Lakos

I don't spend much time talking about being an entrepreneur. It's time to turn that around!

Last year, I was honored to meet Natasha Lakos of Natasha Lakos Creative. 

She graciously allowed me to interview her! Thank you, Natasha!

1.Name of Business: Natasha Lakos Creative

What I do: I'm a Creative Director and Graphic Designer. I craft couture identities for exceptional clients - working 1:1 with heart-based entrepreneurs who are changing the world.

2. Aspects of my job that people don't see:

The very left-brained wrangling of ideas, details and deadlines that brings creativity and good design into reality. At times it can feel like herding cats! It's a good thing love is in the details.

3. Who inspires me on rough days:

If I'm having a rough day I honestly don't look to anyone else. I take it as a sign that I need a

pattern interrupt...I need to focus my attention elsewhere - on getting inspired creatively, on moving my body, on being in nature, on my friends / family. I usually take it as a cue to rest or focus elsewhere for a while. And when things have gotten really rough in the past I've learned that it's a sign I'm on the wrong track. Which means it's time to re-evaluate what I'm doing and implement a plan to get me through the rough patch and back in alignment. A talk with my coach, the lovely Sherold Barr, always does the trick.

4. Current projects:
I just had 3 clients launch new websites (yay!), I'm tying up a couple of other VIP design projects, and coming off of a major online launch with a retainer client of mine.
New in the works is a redo of my own site natashalakos.com, and content development for IDENTITY, a playbook I'm creating that will help passionate business owners identify what makes them unique, and help them express that online (you can learn more here).

You can also get my 5 Secrets to Uncovering Your Visual Identity, for free, here!

Here is some praise for Natasha's work:

“Working with Natasha has been dreamy. She’s creative, elegant, timely, professional, and perceptive. Not only do I adore the final visual product, the process has been wonderful, as well. Natasha is deeply nurturing of her clients while remaining sophisticated and on task. This is quite a rare combination and I’m grateful for it.”

Kate Northrup
ENTREPRENEUR, SPEAKER, AUTHOR, KATENORTHRUP.COM

 

The Pleasure Center: Little Sexy Workbook #3

Are you ready to going on that revitalized sex life of yours? Are you ready for...WRITING A LOVE LETTER??

Think of what you like and what you want.

Non-demand touching*? Pillow fights? Giggling? Butt grabbing? 

And get ready!

A script for a love letter:

Hey,____(a)_______ .

I think you are the ___ (b)_______ I would love to have more ________(c)_________sessions with you.

I think we could manage a ____(d)_____ on _____(e)______. Where would this good time take place? _____(f)_______

 I want to_____(g)_______

I love, admire, and adore you, ___(h)______

Suggestions:

a. Use a pet name, like honey, lover, snickerdoodle, red hot hippo of love.

b.            What do you think they are? The bee’s knees? Hottie McHotterson? Sexiest person? The best kisser on the planet? Be specific.

c.             W hat do you want? Intercourse/make-out/kisses/cuddles and giggles? And throw in an adjective, like wild/hot/fun/silly.

d.            Give what you want a name, such as date night/weekend get-away/ quickie.

e.             Get it on the calendar. Make it soon.

f.              Give them a location so they can start fantasizing. How about our bedroom/a hotel/the laundry room?

g.             This is where you give a another reference to a specific act that pleasures both of you, like: lick your pussy/kiss you soul to soul/be so deep inside of you, I won’t know where your heart beat ends and mine starts.

h.            Your name or nickname here.
 

*According to Barry W. McCarthy, Phd, "Non-demand pleasuring involves affectionate, sensual, playful, and erotic touching both inside and outside the bedroom, which creates an empowering understanding that not all touching can or should lead to intercourse."

The Pleasure Center: Little Sexy Workbook #2

Sacher Torte is very civilized. And sexy.

Let's get started on having the love life you want. :) I recommend having this conversation over Sacher Torte and coffee with whipped cream. There is nothing like creating a luscious life over a luscious dessert.

First, ask yourself, what is currently working in your intimate life?

Do you split the chores well? Do you enjoy telling your honey how awesome they are? Do you cuddle well? How's that kissing going?

Praise what is going well. Spend some time praising your lover. For example:

• "You get me so hot when you lick my ear/come up behind me and nuzzle my shoulder/walk around in a towel/wear good undies/___________."
•  "I want to make sure you know that I think you are the sexiest person ever."



Gregg Homme makes sexy, sexy undies. *swoon*




•  "I like pleasuring you. It's the most fun I can think of."

Remember, these are compliments. Give them freely, lavishly, lovingly, without expectations.

Next time, I'll tell you how to gather those compliments together and write a super duper love letter.

Go out there and get thinking about love, sex, and pleasure!

The Pleasure Center: The Little Sexy Workbook.

I recently released a handy book called The Little Sexy Workbook. I wrote it because talking about your desires can be crazy difficult. It breaks my heart when people tell me their secret fantasies that they believe they can't tell their partners.

They confess these stories as if they were unpinned hand-grenades tamed only by a white-knuckle grasp on the handle.

And I want to help.

In this series in The Pleasure Center, I'm going to give advice on how to have the open, free, fun, playful sex life you want.


Next week, we'll get going on how to put the pin back in the grenade and make your sex life awesome!

To buy the Little Sexy Workbook:
At Amazon
Barnes and Noble

Query: It's random question time!

Welcome to Query, a new series here at my blog! I love reading conversation-starting questions- so why not share?

And here is the Query for today:

If a mysterious benefactor wrote you a check for $5000 and said, "Help me solve a problem, any problem!" - What would you do with her?

The Pleasure Center: The Turkish Bath, part 3

I don't know any people who can afford their own heated marble slab and bath attendants (If I did, I surely wouldn't be sitting at my computer right now. I'd be visiting them!).

The best any of us can do is fake the experience in our own bathrooms.

It does help if you have a bath tub, but even shower aficionados can enjoy Turkish-accented bathing.

If you want to spend money, here are some fabulous things to add to your bath.

Turkish Towels aka pestemals are thin towels made of silk, cotton, linen or a blend. They dry fast, they dry you off even when they are wet, and don't turn into huge, heavy, dripping messes when they get soaked. I love mine. I travel with them as they can be used as a sarong, a sheet, or a blanket. But if you are broke, your regular towels will work just fine. :)

A kese or exfoliating bath mitt is the cheapest bath luxury you will ever experience. It's my favorite way to scrub and it is better for your skin and the environment than plastic puffs. Your skin will feel as soft as a baby's when you use a kese. This is the most essential part of faking a Turkish bath on your own.

The dipping bowl adds a sense of real luxury to your bath. Just dip the bowl in the water and pour it over your head or your limbs or your body. The cascade will still your mind and soothe your body. Yes, you can use a plain ol' bowl for this. Just don't use anything glass! Broken glass is not pleasurable under any circumstances.

What do you add to your bathing routines to increase your pleasure?

The Pleasure Center: The Turkish Bath, part two

Back in 2010, I actually got to experience a Turkish Bath. Here is a retelling of that visit in a letter I wrote to a friend.

***

Power Girl! I have come to the conclusion that the hamam is the cure for all the world's ills.

First, some nice lady pours hot water all over you as you sit on a heated marble floor. Then you lay on the hot marble in wet, fabulous bliss.

You can turn over as you need as the warmth soaks into your aching, travel-weary body.  She comes back in with soap and a exfoliating mitt and scrubs you all over, front and back, so that your skin is incredibly smooth and clean.

This is not fast, either. It's thorough and complete relaxation.

You get rinsed by more hot, clean water splashed over you.

This feels like heaven.

Then you realize that heaven is even cooler than you thought, because you get a massage with the soap suds. The soap and water is so thick and bubbly that your massage is slick and relaxes every damn part of yourself.

Finally, she washes your hair.

At the end, you ooze your boneless way back to your little room and try to remember how to put on clothes.