Conversations with The Flaming Chef.

Jason Zenobia, the genius Flaming Chef, replied to my Twilight series:

Amazing themes and discourse here. I've always been fascinated by the symbolism of heterosexual romance. Love of "the other" when the other is physiologically different from you, opens up all sorts of neat ideas.

The idea that women aren't whole until they have men to guide them - I always thought of that as a function of pairing up. (Cultural ideas around marriage in particular.) It follows from what you're saying that this dynamic is as much a function of falling in love (or being obsessed) with someone?

(Places index finger on chin. Makes thoughtful little noise)

And to respond!

One of things I like about the quotes I posted last time is that they comment on the necessity of a woman to embrace her animus (as well as her Shadow aspects, to get all Jungian up in here).

Since women are traditionally discouraged from exploring and expressing their aggression and anger, I believe that one will chose a male partner that best embodies her repressed qualities. Being in love with a man can bring insight to those characteristics that she has hidden or been frightened of.

I feel that romance novels, one of the only genres aimed specifically at women and read mainly by women, give us a chance to examine interactions with the different kinds of male personalities and behaviors. Then, we can integrate those aspects into our psyche with a great deal less danger.

Repost: In Defense of Twilight even though I don't like it much - Last one!

(How funny is it that Lady Gaga's Bad Romance came on my Pandora channel just as I got started!)

Today, I'm going swipe ideas from one of my favorite books about romance - Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, edited by Jayne Ann Krentz.

Several themes emerge from the essays in this book. First is the one discussed a couple of days ago: Twilight and other romances are fantasies. To quote Krentz's introduction:

[T]he readers are no more confused about this fact, nor any more likely to use their reading as a substitute for action in the real world , than readers of [Robert] Ludlum, [Robert] Parker, [Dick] Frances, and [Anne] McCaffrey. (p. 5)

'Nuff said.

The second theme of the book is a shameless song of female empowerment. In a romance, the woman lives. How many times do women die in male action movies because she found a man attractive and acted on it? How many great female characters in literature are punished for daring to act on her own ideas?

Not only do the women live, all of them win. Again, Krentz:

With courage, intelligence, and gentleness, she brings the most dangerous creature on earth, the human male, to his knees. More than that, she forces him to acknowledge her power as a woman.

A cursory glance at the statistics of the causes of female death reveal the radical nature of these ideas.

Finally, for me, the most outrageous theme of romance (and Twilight) is the discussion of Male and Female. Long before Twilight came out, Laura Kinsale discussed the real truth of romance.

[For] a woman, a romance may be a working-through of her own interior conflicts and passions, her own 'maleness' if you will, that resists and resists giving in to what is desired about all, and yet feared about all, and then, after the decisive climax. arrives at a resolution, a choice that carries with it the relief and pleasure of internal harmony. (p. 39)

Long before Edward came along, Linda Barlow described the romantic hero. Sound familiar?

Dark and brooding, writhing inside with all the residual anguish of his shadowed past, world-weary and cynical, quick-tempered and prone to fits of guilt and depression. He is strong, virile, powerful, and lost. Adept at many things that carry with them the respect and admiration of the world (especially the world of other males), he is not fully competent in the arena in which women excel- the arena of his emotions, which are violently out of control.

Is this the sort of woman most women want? Of course not....[A]lmost from the beginning, I identified with the hero. I saw him as Self, not Other. And I dimly recognized him as one of the archetypal figures in my own inner landscape.

The romantic hero is not the feminine ideal of what a man should be. The romantic hero, in fact, is not a man at all. He is a split-off portion of the heroine's own psyche which will be reintegrated at the end of the book. (p. 49)

This is why Twilight is popular. We are endlessly attempting to claim and integrate our power. It's not about falling in love with the endless git that is Edward.

It is about understanding the parts of ourselves that are dark, angry, and dangerous.