Monday, August 29, 2011

Fantasies for all: Part three

Hello again! I'm back and ready to write again. It's time to return to my characters' sexual fantasies and see what they reveal.

My Mentor character is Celeste Barros. She is  flamboyant and sexual, as well as a sorceress of great power. I based her on Mae West in She Done Him Wrong.  Love of diamonds included. :)

Celeste's Anytime, Anything, Anywhere Fantasy: At one point, Celeste lost her great love, a man named Henry. She would give anything to make love to her beloved Henry again. This fantasy keeps her safe from finding and losing love again, but - it makes her vulnerable to the bad guy's machinations!

Her With Conditions Fantasy: She wants to be deeply entwined with someone she loves, but she would only do it with the condition that she never lose love again.

Her In Fantasy Only Fantasy: She kept throwing all sorts of cheeky ideas at me, such as making love on a luxuriously decorated stage while Brian May played a guitar solo. Which sounded really hot to me, but I knew she was trying to distract me from her deepest secrets. So I persevered in learning about her. Celeste finally gave up the goods.

Fittingly enough, it incorporated her exhibitionist tendencies along with her tender heart. Her inner fantasy is to have a household of lovers around her, keeping her warm, loved, and sexually satisfied.

Here's to seeing if I can find a way to give Celeste what she needs!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Death in the Family

The Charming Man's step-father died yesterday from cancer. Things are going to be complicated for a few days.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Fantasies for all: Part two

I continued with my experiments on building character by exploring their sexual fantasies. And it was *fun*! I highly recommend this game.

My hero, Gabriel Rector, is a bit of a tight ass. He's Mr. Under Control for a good reason - he sees dead people. And he fears that some day his visions will destroy his sanity.

His fantasies are the only place where he safely experiences loss of control.

  • Gabriel's Anytime, Anyplace fantasy: This one surprised me - Gabe would give his left arm for a woman to perform enthusiastic fellatio on him. A woman who wants to lick and suck as though she can't get enough of him - she would place her hands on his ass and set the pace until she makes him explode. 
  • Gabriel's With Reservations fantasy: Gabe is a bit of a geek. And what geek doesn't dream of being a young Dick Grayson as Robin being sexually initiated by a slinky and confident Catwoman? And then turning the tables on her until she is a panting, wet, begging kitty-cat? But there is no way he could even bring up a dream like that without being sure that his partner wouldn't laugh.
  • Gabriel's No Way in Hell: This one is so forbidden because it feeds on both his need to control and be out of control. It's a variant on a gangbang - three men on one woman, tying her up, fucking her, and everyone cumming as much as possible. That is waaayy to scary for Mr. Buttoned Up from Oklahoma.
What do you think? Are there any differences between figuring out a man's sexual fantasy versus a woman's?

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Fantasies for all: Part one

My heroine in my latest work in progress is Sophia Barros, a Portuguese-American woman who lives in the Seattle area. At the beginning of the book, she has an earthy but unexplored sensuality. When I got into her erotic mind, this is what I found. 

1. Sophia's Make It Real Anytime, Anyplace, No Reservations At All Fantasy.
     She wants a lover who would hold her and kiss her passionately in public. Tongue for bonus points. And ass grabbing. When she's feeling particularly bold, she imagines them engaging in frottage (that is commonly called dry-humping or grinding). 

I was pleased to find this fantasy inside of my heroine. This tells me she is willing to take risks. So I dug a little further.

2. Sophia's Make It Real ONLY Under Certain Conditions Fantasy.
    She wants to be in control. As a grade school librarian, she is at the mercy of administrators, teachers, students, and parents. Sophia wants to take a man and use him as she wants.

My girl surprised me with this one. But it was nothing compared to what she thought should be kept only in her mind.

3. Sophia's No Way, Only in My Mind, It Could Never Work Fantasies:
    My little minx wants to be the only girl in the middle of three men! All those mouths, cocks, and hands working over her body. And from there, she went on to imagine lovemaking on top of a horse - the movement of the animal forcing her lover's penis inside of her harder and harder.

Well! I was amazed to find what she kept tightly under wraps. I now know just want kind of challenges I'm going to throw her way. I think Sophia is in for more of an adventure than she could ever imagine.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Where has all the sexy gone??

For the past several months, I've been blogging about self-doubt, writing rituals, and the RWA National Conference. I have been properly informative and full of profound thoughts.

How very respectable of me!

Meanwhile, my work in progress was going in fits and starts. Even worse, it sounded like some sort of tight-ass had written it. Where was the spark? Where was the white-hot action I promise??

I had forgotten than I am always more creative and prolific when I am not respectable.

How to Write a Dirty Story: Reading, Writing, and Publishing Erotica
In an effort to charge my batteries, I opened Susie Bright's book, How to Read/Write an Erotic Story.

As one of the leaders of the modern erotic writing movement, Susie surely knew some ways to overcome inhibition!

On page 83, I found a writing game that rocked me right out of my rut. Here's the game:

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience you would have in a minute if it were offered to you, no questions asked. It should be something that you would have no reservations or conditions about doing in real life.

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience you would only have under certain circumstances. You could give yourself up wholeheartedly under these conditions, but otherwise, not at all.

Write down an erotic fantasy about a sexual experience that is completely satisfying to you in your imagination, but which you could not do because it is either physically impossible, or something you could never bring yourself to do in real life....Yet in your mind, it is completely hot and fulfilling.

The first thing I did was write down my own thoughts, then I did the exercise for each of my main characters. I had a great time, and now I know my characters much more than I did.

I'll be posting what I learned about my characters in the following entries. As for mine....We'll have to see if I can overcome my self-editing all the way!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Coping with crippling self doubt

I post about self-doubt and fell prey to it. Damn it!

I might as well post some emotional tools to deal with this insidious, hissing critic voice.

The best cure for self-doubt is not to macho it out or to force yourself to do what you 'should' do. I've said it again, and I'll say it over and over until I get it - no one works well with someone screaming hateful words in their ears. The best motivator is kindness.

Instead of trying to overcome the enemy by yourself, call in the reinforcements. Who thinks you rock? Who thinks you are gonna make it and make it big?  Who in your life sees the very best of you?

In short, who thinks you are the best things since four wheel brakes?

If you don't feel safe with any of the people around you, make some imaginary friends. They don't mean you are crazy, it means you are surviving until you find a better place. Think of a no-nonsense but kind coach, a wise older mentor, the perfect grandparent, a character in a movie, *anyone* who can access your best interests.

Once you are past the panic/crisis phase, you can use your self-doubt as a compass to point you in the right direction. Imagine yourself in a safe, comfortable place. Think of your self doubt and ask it, "What is it you really want? What is all this about?"

Nearly always, I get a useful answer. It might want me to work on my pacing in my writing. It might want me to demand better treatment from a situation or person who is making me feel that unease. It has even pointed out that I need more sleep, better food, and a whole lot more fun!

Sometimes I don't have enough mojo to even get the call for help out. Then I reach for this book:
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem

It's very practical and specific, unlike many self-help books. If you are stuck in your sad place, it can be a great assistance to find your fine, sweet self again.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Crippling self doubt

Self-doubt attacks everyone in the world. My experience is just like yours.

It starts with unease around your creativity.

Something in your world is not right. It might be a big crisis such as a death in your family, an ecological disaster, joblessness or divorce, and the ensuing poverty of these tragedies.

Your crisis is smaller and subtler, but it still cripples you. Perhaps everyone around you is suffering and there is nothing you can do to help them. Maybe your sleep schedule gets mucked up, or you experience a shift in your intimated relationships.

Trying to be productive under these circumstances *hurts*. And since people rightly avoid what is painful, they go to step two - procrastination. 

After all, what is the good of something as frivolous as writing your little shameful romance stories when the world is exploding?

Putting off your dream can lead to panic and second guessing.

Did you make the right decision to set aside the stuff that brings out the best of you? Shouldn't you be able to keep working no matter what? All you have to do is "force yourself to do it".

This panic churns your stomach, makes your sleep worse. I can tell you from personal experience that sleep deprivation is an untold horror. In a particularly bad part of my life, I experienced both olfactory and auditory hallucinations. My heart didn't stop racing, and I was constantly nauseated from the lack of sleep. Yet, through it all, I constantly demanded that I keep up my work schedule.

This leads to despair, that tar pit of sorrow.  You can barely leave your rooms. Despair drags at your limbs, saps you of vitality. You try to do something, anything, but you feel like you are wading through cold molasses.

It's very easy to lose all hope. In Part Two, I'm going to throw you some rope so we can pull each other out of these energy sucking cycles.